“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
Lately I have been struggling with being at peace, so the fact that Jesus is the Prince of Peace seems to mean a lot more to me this year. I feel this burden of worry and doubt; and I mean I really feel it, like in my shoulders. Life is changing big time for me. Graduation will be here in May, I move away from some of my best friends, full life responsibility begins to hit, and I am no longer a college student. None of it is anything anyone hasn’t done before, and I realize that. But it is daunting to know that I am sending my resume out with the understanding that in a few months I may be living on my own somewhere else. I have also been feeling this burden of regret and feeling bad about hurtful things I have said and broken relationships that aren’t mended yet. Then when I think about it being my last Christmas when I know I will be home and trying to squeeze in every little Christmassy thing I can; well, it’s just too much pressure!
This past weekend, the weekend before Christmas, I started throwing a freaking out party for myself, and giving into my ‘un-peaceful’ feelings, if you will. Everything seemed to be a crisis for me. I was getting mad because Jessie and I are going to have to share a suitcase for the trip to Florida and I am now going to have to return my leather gloves for a larger size…does it look like I have time to do that? Yeah…these things were actually really pissing me off. I didn’t feel at peace, and I felt like my heart was hardened. Pretty much, I felt like Scrooge. And I knew I was feeling this way so I thought that it would probably be better to just remove myself from being around people. Then I began getting really hard on myself, and the circle of bitter emotions just went round and round.
It was not until this morning at church when I saw what having that inner peace and trusting the Prince of Peace looked like, and my heart was broken.
One of my dad’s cousin’s was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago. I remember hearing about it and feeling sorry for him, especially since it was said that it did not look good. This year, everyone knows it will be his last Christmas.
This morning when we walked into church I saw a man who looked to be in his eighties, unable to hold up his head or neck because the cancer reached his spine, sitting in a wheelchair with his wife smiling by his side and his son standing next to him laughing. He has an 18 year old son who is going to graduate from high school in 2011, and that is the reason he is still getting treatments - so he can make it to see his son graduate. Surely, I thought, this could not be the man I remembered not so long ago. As my dad went over to that area, he said in the friendliest voice, “Hello Thad!” right to my dad, and I began to feel sad.
Surely God would not allow such suffering, especially during a season that is supposed to be filled with joy and celebration. I sat through the service in a weird shock. The service was beautiful; all about Joseph and how he trusted God. It felt ironic to me at the time because I felt so removed from God during that moment, during this whole weekend.
At the end of the service, each row went up at a time to kneel as the pastor came with the wine and bread for communion. I almost felt like I shouldn’t have gone up knowing just how awful of a mindset I was in. And as I knelt waiting for the bread to come to me I prayed that God would bring me peace and heal my heart. I felt like it was a cry out of desperation.
Moments later, as I sat back down in our pew, the man who is dying from cancer was wheeled up to the front by his wife and son and the rest of their pew to receive communion. He was not the same person I remember. If there was ever a picture of what suffering looked like, it was there. It did not seem fair that a man who was once so full of life was now so debilitated by an excruciatingly painful disease. It did not seem fair that he had to suffer in front of his wife and kids. Nothing about watching him take his communion and knowing that this Christmas was his last seemed fair. But somewhere in the sadness the Prince of Peace was ever present there. I can’t explain it. Out of anyone I know they should be the people who seem like they aren’t at peace. They should be the ones who rightfully so have a reason to doubt or to be mad at God. And yet instead of watching a family focused on their pain or sorrow, I saw three people who knew the Prince of Peace.
I sat feeling ashamed of myself for putting so much emotion into packing my clothes for Florida and worrying about my life when someone who I knew was fighting for theirs. My worries were so small. The moments I sat watching him take communion were painfully sad, but something I knew I needed to see. I looked over at my family who had tears in their eyes, and I wanted to cry too. How in the world does a man who cannot hold his head up even make it to church during winter? How can his family still sing in the choir and play the guitar and laugh? How can he still be as friendly as ever even with his feeble voice? It is because I believe they know what real peace is. And even though I saw his wife wipe tears from her eyes as she walked alone to grab her coat, I knew that she knew that there is something bigger out there than cancer, and that is why they could all still feel the presence of peace in the middle of such darkness.
So today I was reminded what Christmas really was all about. And I hope that these next days preceding Christmas, we can all find the peace that only He can bring, even in the darkest moments and when it is hard to believe. And when you think about the fact that a baby born 2,000 years ago came to be our Prince of Peace and take away every single one of our burdens and fears, the calm will come to your spirit, just as it did mine today.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Island Girl
Boca Grande. One of my New Year’s Resolutions from last year was to make Gasparilla Island a home. And a home it has become. I have only been there twice so far, but in less than 30 days, I will be back again, and that is why I am sitting here writing about this island that I wish you all could spend time on. It is truly magical; filled with legends and seashells, croquet tournaments and long afternoons in the sun. When you step onto the island you feel like you have stepped back into the 1920s and whatever you left behind at home becomes simply a memory. The island is where the mysterious ocean meets carefully pedicured sun burnt feet. A place where there is an overwhelming sense of community and there really is such a thing as a ‘social season’. Basically, I fell in love with the place. I have no idea why I am so blessed to be able to have an aunt who owns a place along the ocean in a town that almost feels like it belongs in a different time, but I am going to enjoy it.
The island has been called the best kept secret, and I am glad. It has been featured in the New York Times several times among other big magazines and newspapers, but the serene island has been kept private. You won’t find the pretentious attitude you would get at Naples or crowds of people shopping in tacky Florida tourists stores. The island is filled with the millionaires who have second homes along the beach and fishermen who live year round, and everyone knows everyone. In fact people say that you can’t ever tell if you are talking to the billionaire who has a second home on the island or the local fisherman. That’s what I love. Everyone is somebody, and it does not matter what somebody you are.
I will never forget my first night on the island. My friends and I pulled into the dark security gate and unloaded our stuff. We could hear the ocean but we could not see it. When I awoke the next morning on the giant king size bed, the sun was shining directly in my eyes and I sat up to the same noise I was hearing all throughout the night; the sound of the surf. If you haven’t been able to tell at all by reading this blog, water is probably my favorite thing. I love the lakes in Michigan, and I love the sea. As I sat up in the bed I turned to my right and there it was in all its glory. The turquoise blue water of the Gulf of Mexico. And with one glance I had to get there. I put on my running shoes, grabbed my iPod, and left my sleeping friends to get to the sea. With a few steps, I was there running along a basically deserted private beach with the sun beating down and waking up a sleepy town full of people with groomed poodles carrying their morning coffee to walk to the local gas station to get the newspaper. And I am not even exaggerating. And as I ran along the water, suddenly I saw a pod of dolphins jumping nearly twelve feet away from me. It was only me and the dolphins that morning, and I was totally okay with that.
If there could be a soundtrack to this island it would include songs like “Only the Ocean” by Jack Johnson, “When the Sun Goes Down” and “On the Coast of Somewhere Beautiful” by Kenny Chesney, the Michael Buble classics, of course a little Jimmy Buffet, and Eric Hutchinson’s entire album. Those songs are the songs that are played as you lay in the sand and take a break to fly a kite, or when you get on your boat for the first time and feel the choppy waves of the ocean underneath you, or when you are grilling hamburgers for 12 people, or when you are driving your golf cart to grab some tuna for lunch at the store in town. If that doesn’t get you then maybe knowing that Katherine Hepburn and JP Morgan owned a house on the island and the Bush family spends a couple weeks vacation on the island every Christmas break will let you know that the seven mile island has got personality.
This place is a place for me of complete restoration for your body and soul. I am so looking forward to the deep red sunsets and the morning jogs along the street passing new neighbors. I can’t even wait for the early morning walks along the water when the sky is still grey and your hair is a mess but you are drinking the best cup of coffee. And in my mind right now I can picture the palm trees in the front yard and the tiny little orange tree next to the garage. And I can see Banyan Street and I can see church with its picture of a lighthouse on the front sign. And I can see the Gasparilla Inn golf course that lines along the coast. I simply cannot wait to be reunited with this place, where hopefully I can once again plan for the next phase of my life and maybe even improve my writing and work on a new story.
The island has been called the best kept secret, and I am glad. It has been featured in the New York Times several times among other big magazines and newspapers, but the serene island has been kept private. You won’t find the pretentious attitude you would get at Naples or crowds of people shopping in tacky Florida tourists stores. The island is filled with the millionaires who have second homes along the beach and fishermen who live year round, and everyone knows everyone. In fact people say that you can’t ever tell if you are talking to the billionaire who has a second home on the island or the local fisherman. That’s what I love. Everyone is somebody, and it does not matter what somebody you are.
I will never forget my first night on the island. My friends and I pulled into the dark security gate and unloaded our stuff. We could hear the ocean but we could not see it. When I awoke the next morning on the giant king size bed, the sun was shining directly in my eyes and I sat up to the same noise I was hearing all throughout the night; the sound of the surf. If you haven’t been able to tell at all by reading this blog, water is probably my favorite thing. I love the lakes in Michigan, and I love the sea. As I sat up in the bed I turned to my right and there it was in all its glory. The turquoise blue water of the Gulf of Mexico. And with one glance I had to get there. I put on my running shoes, grabbed my iPod, and left my sleeping friends to get to the sea. With a few steps, I was there running along a basically deserted private beach with the sun beating down and waking up a sleepy town full of people with groomed poodles carrying their morning coffee to walk to the local gas station to get the newspaper. And I am not even exaggerating. And as I ran along the water, suddenly I saw a pod of dolphins jumping nearly twelve feet away from me. It was only me and the dolphins that morning, and I was totally okay with that.
If there could be a soundtrack to this island it would include songs like “Only the Ocean” by Jack Johnson, “When the Sun Goes Down” and “On the Coast of Somewhere Beautiful” by Kenny Chesney, the Michael Buble classics, of course a little Jimmy Buffet, and Eric Hutchinson’s entire album. Those songs are the songs that are played as you lay in the sand and take a break to fly a kite, or when you get on your boat for the first time and feel the choppy waves of the ocean underneath you, or when you are grilling hamburgers for 12 people, or when you are driving your golf cart to grab some tuna for lunch at the store in town. If that doesn’t get you then maybe knowing that Katherine Hepburn and JP Morgan owned a house on the island and the Bush family spends a couple weeks vacation on the island every Christmas break will let you know that the seven mile island has got personality.
This place is a place for me of complete restoration for your body and soul. I am so looking forward to the deep red sunsets and the morning jogs along the street passing new neighbors. I can’t even wait for the early morning walks along the water when the sky is still grey and your hair is a mess but you are drinking the best cup of coffee. And in my mind right now I can picture the palm trees in the front yard and the tiny little orange tree next to the garage. And I can see Banyan Street and I can see church with its picture of a lighthouse on the front sign. And I can see the Gasparilla Inn golf course that lines along the coast. I simply cannot wait to be reunited with this place, where hopefully I can once again plan for the next phase of my life and maybe even improve my writing and work on a new story.
The salty ocean air will do that to you.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thoughts on Being a Strong Woman
Usually on Thanksgiving nights, my family and I go and see a movie. This year was no exception. We all headed to the mall to see the movie “Secretariat.” I was expecting the movie to be good and inspiring, and it was both. Definitely a must see. What I like about movies is the messages they have the potential to send to their viewers, and how each person can take something completely different away from it.
There was something in the movie that stuck out to me more than anything else. The main character in the movie, Penny, is a housewife in her 40s. Without going into details about the movie (even though it is a true story, anyway), I will state that when Penny begins devoting her time to working with the spirited horse Secretarian to fulfill her dream, her husband is not exactly enthusiastic. Here Penny was trying to be a good mom to her four kids but still realize that she has her own personal dream to believe in. As the movie continued, you can see in her husband’s eyes how proud he is of her and he begins to give more of his time and efforts to not only continuing his successful career as a lawyer, but to also recognize that his wife has something amazing to offer the world. There is one particular scene in the movie that expressed this. After Secretariat won one of the races, Penny, with her spunky and firey spirit, is standing accepting the trophy and answering questions from the media. In that moment Penny, after three years of working hard and overcoming emotional obstacles, achieved her dream. And in a time where men dominated the career world, Penny’s husband proudly stood behind her and watched her fully become the person she was meant to be. And that, girls, is what we all should strive for in a husband; the man who will stand beside us.
I see it all the time with some couples where the guy always has to better or have the better job than his girlfriend, and that is really sad. I have come to understand that it can be easy on some level to take more of a backseat role in a relationship, but do we really want a guy who feels uncomfortable with us being successful? The strongest guys are the ones who are not afraid to let the person they love fulfill their dreams.
Sometimes I think that girls settle for someone because they are afraid of that awful thing called being single and in the midst of their relationship they lose who they are. It is sad to see people, even friends, who get almost emotionally abused by their significant other because during their relationship they stopped fulfilling their own purpose, and I am here to tell you that every single person walking the planet has a purpose. And if we aren’t with someone who helps us fulfill our purpose then we are not with the right person.
Anais Nin said, “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a women.” I love this quotes because not only does it take courage to be the best version of yourself and take risks, but it also takes courage to wait on that guy who has the courage to let you soar, too.
The women in my family are very successful, stubborn women. I know for sure I have received that stubborn spirit, and I am thankful to have such strong examples of what it looks like to be strong, smart leaders who are women. And I am lucky to see people like my grandpa and dad who are very successful, strong men be proud husbands and not feel threatened by the women in their life’s success.
I want to encourage my girlfriends to seek the men who does compel their strength and not be afraid of letting go of the ones who don’t. Believe me, I know that letting go of the one who isn’t right for you isn’t easy. As you know, I like the book “Bittersweet” by Shauna Niequist. In one of her chapters she discusses what it means to be in your twenties. I love what she says about relationships:
“Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from the ones that don’t give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.”
Because it is true that there are things in life that are mediocre, but love should not be one of them, even though I know it is sometimes scary and sad to walk away from something. But we all need to be with the person who, like Penny’s husband, is proud to stand and watch us shine.
There was something in the movie that stuck out to me more than anything else. The main character in the movie, Penny, is a housewife in her 40s. Without going into details about the movie (even though it is a true story, anyway), I will state that when Penny begins devoting her time to working with the spirited horse Secretarian to fulfill her dream, her husband is not exactly enthusiastic. Here Penny was trying to be a good mom to her four kids but still realize that she has her own personal dream to believe in. As the movie continued, you can see in her husband’s eyes how proud he is of her and he begins to give more of his time and efforts to not only continuing his successful career as a lawyer, but to also recognize that his wife has something amazing to offer the world. There is one particular scene in the movie that expressed this. After Secretariat won one of the races, Penny, with her spunky and firey spirit, is standing accepting the trophy and answering questions from the media. In that moment Penny, after three years of working hard and overcoming emotional obstacles, achieved her dream. And in a time where men dominated the career world, Penny’s husband proudly stood behind her and watched her fully become the person she was meant to be. And that, girls, is what we all should strive for in a husband; the man who will stand beside us.
I see it all the time with some couples where the guy always has to better or have the better job than his girlfriend, and that is really sad. I have come to understand that it can be easy on some level to take more of a backseat role in a relationship, but do we really want a guy who feels uncomfortable with us being successful? The strongest guys are the ones who are not afraid to let the person they love fulfill their dreams.
Sometimes I think that girls settle for someone because they are afraid of that awful thing called being single and in the midst of their relationship they lose who they are. It is sad to see people, even friends, who get almost emotionally abused by their significant other because during their relationship they stopped fulfilling their own purpose, and I am here to tell you that every single person walking the planet has a purpose. And if we aren’t with someone who helps us fulfill our purpose then we are not with the right person.
Anais Nin said, “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a women.” I love this quotes because not only does it take courage to be the best version of yourself and take risks, but it also takes courage to wait on that guy who has the courage to let you soar, too.
The women in my family are very successful, stubborn women. I know for sure I have received that stubborn spirit, and I am thankful to have such strong examples of what it looks like to be strong, smart leaders who are women. And I am lucky to see people like my grandpa and dad who are very successful, strong men be proud husbands and not feel threatened by the women in their life’s success.
I want to encourage my girlfriends to seek the men who does compel their strength and not be afraid of letting go of the ones who don’t. Believe me, I know that letting go of the one who isn’t right for you isn’t easy. As you know, I like the book “Bittersweet” by Shauna Niequist. In one of her chapters she discusses what it means to be in your twenties. I love what she says about relationships:
“Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from the ones that don’t give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.”
Because it is true that there are things in life that are mediocre, but love should not be one of them, even though I know it is sometimes scary and sad to walk away from something. But we all need to be with the person who, like Penny’s husband, is proud to stand and watch us shine.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
The Best Way to Spread Christmas Cheer is Singing Loud For All to Hear
It’s that time again. That time when you are allowed to listen to songs whose main instrument is jingle bells and eat a crap load of chocolate in every form. The time when you can never wear too much green and red and ugly sweaters are welcomed at parties. The time when every night is booked with some sort of event and you are allowed for a season to act like an eight year old. My favorite time of year.
The last couple of weeks have been amazingly busy, filled with everything to do with the upcoming holidays. Last Sunday, my roommates and I brought in all of our Christmas decorations, turned on the Pandora Christmas station, baked some brownies and nailed up 4 stockings. The night was filled with laughter, and not just regular laughter, that special Christmas laughter. That feeling everyone gets when the holidays come around was ever so present last Sunday night. I think that ‘feeling’ is even better when you are living away from home during college. It’s the fact that you have this special family down at school who you create new traditions and memories with, but then you also have that anticipation of packing your bags to make the snowy drive home for the holidays. I think that the special feeling people get around this time of year is so intense because no matter who you are, at some point you have to know that there is something greater than just you out there. And I know that a lot of people say they give up the secular parts of Christmas so they can focus on Christ’s birth. While I see nothing wrong with that in any way, and I do believe we all have become too worldly around this time of year, I think God wants us to spend this special time of year being with people who love us and to share in that love. I have no doubt in my mind that if Jesus were walking the earth today he would have been right there with all of us hanging ornaments and laughing and celebrating the anticipation of his birthday.
Roommates in our Christmas nook. 
The rest of the week was crazy with basketball games, watching movies, planning parties, and spending time with great people. Of course, I am choosing to focus on the social aspect of my life the past couple of weeks…there was of course classes and papers thrown into that mix J.
Wednesday, Lindsay, Chelsey, Christen and I set aside two hours that night to drive to Starbucks (a big tradition of ours) to get a Caramel Brulee Latte. I know for a fact I have written about that latte last year, so if you have not yet tried one, GET ONE. Anyway, it was wonderful to be able to chat and joke with those girls for a while.
Later that night, I was able to go to Carrie’s bridal shower. It was everything you would expect out of a bridal shower, except for the first time it actually hit me that I was at one of my good friend’s bridal showers. No longer was this just some girl I know who is getting married and it would be the polite thing to go to her shower. No; this was my friend’s shower! I realized that a) this means that we are all getting old and b) Carrie is soon going to be living with a boy and not in the apartments. Eeeek. What am I going to do when I can’t run over to their apartment and watch Friends and talk with her?!? But seriously, I am very happy for her and feel so lucky to be able to spend a great night with these girls!
All of us girls with Carrie!
Ashley, Beth, Carrie, Kellyn, Brittany and me.
Britt and I working hard on our underwear hah.Thursday night was the annual all campus Thanksgiving dinner. Let me just say that I am pretty sure every single person walking Huntington University was there that night because we could barely move. That didn’t stop us from getting stuffing and pie, though. The atmosphere was incredibly noisy, we were scrunched so close together, and the turkey was a little bit dry, but there was a moment in the midst of the Thanksgiving chaos where time just stopped for me for a second. I looked around and saw Brittany laughing at everything, Cassie pointing her fork at people and yelling, “What are you thankful for?? But you can’t say God, family, or friends!” And Eric and Jake throwing bits of corn at people and Bradie yelling, “WHAT??” because it was way too loud to hear what anyone was thankful for. And right there I felt incredibly thankful for being able to go to a school who actually has an all campus Thanksgiving dinner and for friends like Cassie who force you to go around the table no matter how loud or old school it is and tell people what you are thankful for.
Later that night was our Bible Study. Chelsey led it and all of us girls got together at 9:29 to read our Proverbs and pray with each other. It was a great way to start off this season with because it reminded me of the importance of having that strong support group. It was also one of those times when I was able to really feel how blessed I am to have best friends in my life whose ultimate goal in life is to serve Christ, because a lot of people don’t have friends like I do.
Then of course Friday night my apartment and I threw the first Christmas party of the year. I hate to brag, but last year our parties were probably the best things ever, so we had a lot to live up to this year. Susanne, Lindsay and I threw together some dip, chips, and cookies. Well, okay, I actually burnt the first batch of cookies because our oven goes about 200 degrees hotter then what it says and I didn’t know that (probably because this is the first time I have used the oven all year). We then lit the candles, make sure the tree was looking good and got ready. We all wore these awesome socks that really put us into the spirit. And soon enough, our guests arrived dressed in everything from ugly sweaters to weird clothes (as you can see in the below pictures). Our apartment was so full we ended up turning on the air conditioning because it got too hot to even move. Definitely a Christmas success. And since it is almost Thanksgiving, I should probably say that the party again reminded me of how thankful I am to have so many fun people in my life. Friends who make me laugh so hard I can’t breathe, friends who wear ugly clothing to parties and don’t care what anyone thinks, and friends who will dance crazy with you.
Christmas party!
This is how Courtney, Lindsay, and I leave our apartment when it's 2 am and we don't care who sees us.
My burnt cookies :(
Susanne and I in our awesome socks.Saturday night, Beth, Brittany, Carrie, Ashley and I had a girl’s only night. We watched “Eat Pray Love” and had a pretty amazing time.
Sunday, Beth, Brittany, Cassie and I walked to church. The service was good as usual, and afterward we got dinner at the DC. In the car we listened to Christmas music and squealed with excitement over the possibility of a snowstorm this coming week. Sundays are the best.
That night, a few of us stayed up all night catching up on homework and projects and then going to IHop at 3 a.m. Let me just say that everything said that late at night is always funnier than during regular hours.
Obviously, this last week and half have been busy and filled with fun memories. I could not have thought of anything better to do to bring in the holiday season than to spend it with beautiful people. I know that this season will be filled with moments like the past days have been filled with, and I can’t wait. Many times people always complain about all of the busyness Thanksgiving and Christmas bring. I do think it is true, but part of what it means to celebrate Christmas is to give of your time to other people, and I plan on doing just that. But to also remember that some of the most precious moments of Christmas come in those small moments when you are sitting at your kitchen table late at night drinking hot chocolate while everyone else is sleeping and the only lights on are that of the Christmas tree and a tiny candle. Probably sounds a little 19th century but that is currently where I am now. So this season I am going to enjoy every moment; the times with many friends at parties, the Sundays walking to church, ugly Christmas sweaters, shopping and baking, and playing in the snow. But I am also going to remember to sit back and just look at the snow falling or stare at the Christmas tree. And no matter what anyone says, it really is true that the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear…and I am pretty sure we have done a great job of that so far J (and remember to watch Elf before Christmas. Seriously).
With that, I must pack my things for Thanksgiving because in less than 20 hours Jess, Jordan and I will load all of our crap into my car, grab some coffee and drive home, and we can’t even wait. There is something so special about driving home for the holidays and knowing that when you pull into your driveway after you haven’t been home in a while, your parents will be there and life will bring you back to when you were ten years old. I can’t wait for my grandma's raspberry dessert, shopping with Jessie, getting coffee with my mom, playing Monopoly with my dad, seeing my friends, and watching movies in my basement!
Home! I get to see this in 20 hours. Can't wait. [I also promise that I will update over this long Thanksgiving weekend so my posts will not be nearly so long!]
Sunday, November 14, 2010
L-O-V-E
Friday night, I was shown once again what pure love and joy is. One of my best friends and roommates, Christen got engaged. Let me back up first.
On Thursday, us girls went to support Christen in this event she was in charge of. Chelsey (which, for those who do not know, is Christen’s twin sister), with this sly smile on her face called me over to the table and said, “Erica…I got some news for ya.” Then she smiled the biggest smile and started to say, “Chris...” and before she could even finish saying Christen’s name, I knew what she was about to tell me. Spencer was going to propose to Christen, I just knew it. I looked at Chelsey and in less than a second I started screaming. Then Chelsey started screaming. If you know Chelsey or I, and if you know Chelsey and I together, I am sure you can imagine this scene. One of our many talents together as friends is screaming with excitement.
I should also let you know that I never would have thought that I would be ‘that girl’ who screams when she finds out her friend got engaged. I always thought it would be exciting, but nothing to scream about. After all, I knew it was coming eventually. But, last night, right there in the middle of the HUB, I suddenly could picture this girl who I have been living with for four years now getting asked to be Spencer’s wife, and I was ecstatic for her. Chelsey and I could not contain the screaming, so we ran downstairs to the bathroom and just let it out. Needless to say there was someone in one of the stalls (oops…oh well) and all of our friends above us could hear our screeches. That kind of joy just can’t be replaced and now I am glad I was ‘that girl’ who nearly had tears in her eyes finding out her friend was about to get engaged.
Then Friday night at 7:30, us girls prepared the other apartment with a decorated white board, desserts, music, and gifts. As we sat in anticipation for Christen and Spencer, we were all giddy with excitement. The next time Christen would walk through that door she would be a fiancé to Spencer. I could picture in my mind what her face would look like when she would come in with her ring, and I felt so good inside. As we put on songs like “At Last” and “Love,” and as Chelsey came through the door saying she would be here in fifteen minutes, I felt a certain kind of love in there. No one needed to say it, you could just feel it and see it. It was written all over the way Chelsey was breathing heavily after taking picture after picture of her sister after the engagement, how Emily stood choosing different songs to play, how Courtney and Megan struggled through laughs to draw the perfect diamond on the white board. This love for our friend was so evident we couldn’t help but just giggle. It was beautiful to feel so extremely happy for someone.
When Christen and Spencer’s parents arrived, I think I would not be alone in saying that it felt like Christmas morning. Here the four of them came, happier than I have ever seen them with desserts and sparkling juice and gifts. They busted through the door smiling and screaming in anticipation for their children’s arrival, and it was a lovely sight. Christen’s mom hugged me and exclaimed, “I am just so happy!” And right after that, in a moment of utter delirious joy, Christen and Spencer’s mom looked at each other and hugged laughing with the realization of the future their children will have together. As us girls looked on we couldn’t help but laugh and hug too. It probably sounds cheesy, and maybe it was. But right there in that moment we could all feel that love of family. We, as friends who in a magnificent way formed our own family, and the Batts and Melvins who were becoming one family together.
And when the moment finally came, Christen opened the door and just stood there smiling with Spencer behind her. Then we all screamed and Christen ran up to us and showed us the diamond. And we stood there hugging and screaming and Christen cried and screamed some more. Spencer finally popped the question. Do you know how long I have had to listen to Christen say, “Well obviously I am not getting a ring anytime soon…”? Hah. As Christen and the five of us stood around her talking and screaming at once, I looked over at Spencer standing there with the guys just watching and smiling. He was looking at Christen the way a future husband should look at their future wife. It was precious to me to see him just watch her and let her do her thing and be excited. And I just looked over at him and said, “Good job, Spence.”
We could all see the love Spencer’s parents had for Christen and how excited they were to welcome this new daughter into their family. And Christen’s parents joking with Spencer about how demanding Christen was with the ring shopping and her dad giving him advice. It just made you really excited for these two people.
And right then and there you just knew that this is what love and life is supposed to be like. Not just a happy love and lust feeling. But true joy. Joy that comes despite pain and arguments and late night fights and long distance relationships. Last night showed all of us once again that love is not just a feeling at all; it is a choice. It takes work, but through the work comes great rewards, and an enduring and strong relationship.
The rest of the night Christen opened the gifts and we toasted to the new couple and joked about Spencer and Christen’s relationship. I still remember the first night Spencer asked Christen out because I was sitting on her bed when he texted her for the first time. Valentine’s Day 2008.
And what a ride they have had. Today I look at Spencer and Christen now and am so happy for both of them and for the love that was in that apartment Friday night.
Roommates and bffs!
Christen and the moms.
The boys...poor guys.
Sisters. Bride and MOH.
Courtney and I with the white board.
My gift to Christen. Wrapping is compliments of Courtney.
On Thursday, us girls went to support Christen in this event she was in charge of. Chelsey (which, for those who do not know, is Christen’s twin sister), with this sly smile on her face called me over to the table and said, “Erica…I got some news for ya.” Then she smiled the biggest smile and started to say, “Chris...” and before she could even finish saying Christen’s name, I knew what she was about to tell me. Spencer was going to propose to Christen, I just knew it. I looked at Chelsey and in less than a second I started screaming. Then Chelsey started screaming. If you know Chelsey or I, and if you know Chelsey and I together, I am sure you can imagine this scene. One of our many talents together as friends is screaming with excitement.
I should also let you know that I never would have thought that I would be ‘that girl’ who screams when she finds out her friend got engaged. I always thought it would be exciting, but nothing to scream about. After all, I knew it was coming eventually. But, last night, right there in the middle of the HUB, I suddenly could picture this girl who I have been living with for four years now getting asked to be Spencer’s wife, and I was ecstatic for her. Chelsey and I could not contain the screaming, so we ran downstairs to the bathroom and just let it out. Needless to say there was someone in one of the stalls (oops…oh well) and all of our friends above us could hear our screeches. That kind of joy just can’t be replaced and now I am glad I was ‘that girl’ who nearly had tears in her eyes finding out her friend was about to get engaged.
Then Friday night at 7:30, us girls prepared the other apartment with a decorated white board, desserts, music, and gifts. As we sat in anticipation for Christen and Spencer, we were all giddy with excitement. The next time Christen would walk through that door she would be a fiancé to Spencer. I could picture in my mind what her face would look like when she would come in with her ring, and I felt so good inside. As we put on songs like “At Last” and “Love,” and as Chelsey came through the door saying she would be here in fifteen minutes, I felt a certain kind of love in there. No one needed to say it, you could just feel it and see it. It was written all over the way Chelsey was breathing heavily after taking picture after picture of her sister after the engagement, how Emily stood choosing different songs to play, how Courtney and Megan struggled through laughs to draw the perfect diamond on the white board. This love for our friend was so evident we couldn’t help but just giggle. It was beautiful to feel so extremely happy for someone.
When Christen and Spencer’s parents arrived, I think I would not be alone in saying that it felt like Christmas morning. Here the four of them came, happier than I have ever seen them with desserts and sparkling juice and gifts. They busted through the door smiling and screaming in anticipation for their children’s arrival, and it was a lovely sight. Christen’s mom hugged me and exclaimed, “I am just so happy!” And right after that, in a moment of utter delirious joy, Christen and Spencer’s mom looked at each other and hugged laughing with the realization of the future their children will have together. As us girls looked on we couldn’t help but laugh and hug too. It probably sounds cheesy, and maybe it was. But right there in that moment we could all feel that love of family. We, as friends who in a magnificent way formed our own family, and the Batts and Melvins who were becoming one family together.
And when the moment finally came, Christen opened the door and just stood there smiling with Spencer behind her. Then we all screamed and Christen ran up to us and showed us the diamond. And we stood there hugging and screaming and Christen cried and screamed some more. Spencer finally popped the question. Do you know how long I have had to listen to Christen say, “Well obviously I am not getting a ring anytime soon…”? Hah. As Christen and the five of us stood around her talking and screaming at once, I looked over at Spencer standing there with the guys just watching and smiling. He was looking at Christen the way a future husband should look at their future wife. It was precious to me to see him just watch her and let her do her thing and be excited. And I just looked over at him and said, “Good job, Spence.”
We could all see the love Spencer’s parents had for Christen and how excited they were to welcome this new daughter into their family. And Christen’s parents joking with Spencer about how demanding Christen was with the ring shopping and her dad giving him advice. It just made you really excited for these two people.
And right then and there you just knew that this is what love and life is supposed to be like. Not just a happy love and lust feeling. But true joy. Joy that comes despite pain and arguments and late night fights and long distance relationships. Last night showed all of us once again that love is not just a feeling at all; it is a choice. It takes work, but through the work comes great rewards, and an enduring and strong relationship.
The rest of the night Christen opened the gifts and we toasted to the new couple and joked about Spencer and Christen’s relationship. I still remember the first night Spencer asked Christen out because I was sitting on her bed when he texted her for the first time. Valentine’s Day 2008.
And what a ride they have had. Today I look at Spencer and Christen now and am so happy for both of them and for the love that was in that apartment Friday night.
Roommates and bffs!
Christen and the moms.
The boys...poor guys.
Sisters. Bride and MOH.
Courtney and I with the white board.
My gift to Christen. Wrapping is compliments of Courtney.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
A Random List
Things I learned (or was reminded about) this past weekend:
1. There is nothing like dancing to Michael Jackson on top of your counter. Don’t even try to tell me there is something better than that.
2. YouTube and Susanne Shepherdson will always be the two things that make me procrastinate away from my homework.
3. I have watched the movie “Elf” during the most horrible times of my life, and I have put that movie through some pretty uncomfortable situations. I even thought twice before putting the movie in during one of those situations because I didn’t want the movie to bring back bad memories. Nothing, let me repeat, nothing, will ever ruin that movie for me. Christmas and happiness at its best right there.
4. I’m not sure if I really want to be a mom someday. It never was something that I really, really wanted. I see little kids around and I love hanging out with them for a bit, teaching them during the day, but actually having to be responsible for their entire well being? Not sure if I will ever totally want to do that. And, if I am being completely honest here, I like my abs and I like to drink lots of lattes and go on trips and be busy and I want to be able to just be with my husband for a long time and not worry about some child. But, hey, I think I would make a killer aunt; that kid will have the best clothes and I will get to spend time with them and then drop them back off to their parents. I think that I was feeling guilty about this current feeling as of late because most of my friends talk about how excited they are to have kids. Maybe someday I will want that too, and I am only 21 anyway, not a pressing issue, just something that has been on my mind.
5. I love Christmas. Just love it. I know it’s only November 8, but Christmas and Thanksgiving deserve an entire 2 months.
6. Sometimes the stuff God asks us to do or say or be is hard. And its weird when you know its His voice speaking in your mind because you know you would not feel that way or say those things yourself, and sometimes that is hard. That line between obedience to Him or do what you feel at a particular moment is clear, but harder to follow sometimes.
7. Eating muffins and drinking coffee with your best friends while talking is beautiful.
8. It is essential to have some people who you can share your awkward stories with who will laugh at them with you. Don’t go through that crap alone.
9. If you have a random funny thought or situation, share it with your friends via text. They are always appreciated. (thanks to Brynne, Brittany, Jason, Carrie and Beth for that)
10. I heard the song “Same Auld Lang Syne” on the Christmas radio station yesterday. I think this is the most terribly sad song ever, right now. So bittersweet.
11. I hate to brag, but our apartment is the best decorated apartment that belongs to 4 college students. Just saying.
12. Don’t even ask me what I plan on doing in May or where I will be. I have no freaking clue. In a way it is very liberating to think that I can do anything, be anything, and live anywhere, but the fact that those decisions will need to be made in 6 months also freaks me out.
13. I am hungry all the time. All the time.
14. If you don’t have a friend you can call at midnight and drive over to their house to talk, you need to get yourself one of those.
15. If you also don’t have a couple of great friends who you can ask crazy questions to that in no way effect the world, get yourself some of those too. The ones who answer your weird questions seriously as if you just asked them what they think the cure for cancer may be (thanks Emily and Chelsey, haha).
So, there you go. A glimpse into my life during this past week.
1. There is nothing like dancing to Michael Jackson on top of your counter. Don’t even try to tell me there is something better than that.
2. YouTube and Susanne Shepherdson will always be the two things that make me procrastinate away from my homework.
3. I have watched the movie “Elf” during the most horrible times of my life, and I have put that movie through some pretty uncomfortable situations. I even thought twice before putting the movie in during one of those situations because I didn’t want the movie to bring back bad memories. Nothing, let me repeat, nothing, will ever ruin that movie for me. Christmas and happiness at its best right there.
4. I’m not sure if I really want to be a mom someday. It never was something that I really, really wanted. I see little kids around and I love hanging out with them for a bit, teaching them during the day, but actually having to be responsible for their entire well being? Not sure if I will ever totally want to do that. And, if I am being completely honest here, I like my abs and I like to drink lots of lattes and go on trips and be busy and I want to be able to just be with my husband for a long time and not worry about some child. But, hey, I think I would make a killer aunt; that kid will have the best clothes and I will get to spend time with them and then drop them back off to their parents. I think that I was feeling guilty about this current feeling as of late because most of my friends talk about how excited they are to have kids. Maybe someday I will want that too, and I am only 21 anyway, not a pressing issue, just something that has been on my mind.
5. I love Christmas. Just love it. I know it’s only November 8, but Christmas and Thanksgiving deserve an entire 2 months.
6. Sometimes the stuff God asks us to do or say or be is hard. And its weird when you know its His voice speaking in your mind because you know you would not feel that way or say those things yourself, and sometimes that is hard. That line between obedience to Him or do what you feel at a particular moment is clear, but harder to follow sometimes.
7. Eating muffins and drinking coffee with your best friends while talking is beautiful.
8. It is essential to have some people who you can share your awkward stories with who will laugh at them with you. Don’t go through that crap alone.
9. If you have a random funny thought or situation, share it with your friends via text. They are always appreciated. (thanks to Brynne, Brittany, Jason, Carrie and Beth for that)
10. I heard the song “Same Auld Lang Syne” on the Christmas radio station yesterday. I think this is the most terribly sad song ever, right now. So bittersweet.
11. I hate to brag, but our apartment is the best decorated apartment that belongs to 4 college students. Just saying.
12. Don’t even ask me what I plan on doing in May or where I will be. I have no freaking clue. In a way it is very liberating to think that I can do anything, be anything, and live anywhere, but the fact that those decisions will need to be made in 6 months also freaks me out.
13. I am hungry all the time. All the time.
14. If you don’t have a friend you can call at midnight and drive over to their house to talk, you need to get yourself one of those.
15. If you also don’t have a couple of great friends who you can ask crazy questions to that in no way effect the world, get yourself some of those too. The ones who answer your weird questions seriously as if you just asked them what they think the cure for cancer may be (thanks Emily and Chelsey, haha).
So, there you go. A glimpse into my life during this past week.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
It is Later Than You Think
The other day I was driving and I put in this CD. I didn’t look at what it was, so when I heard the first song it was a total surprise. The song first came out in September 2007; the first fall of my college career. This song brought me back to crazy nights of dancing in HU’s mall area at midnight, long conversations on top of the baseball dugouts, walking to church every Sunday with friends, sleepovers, movies, 3 a.m. runs to IHop, sneaking into College Park Church late at night to play Bloody Murder with the gang. The song transplanted me back to my 18 year old self. Back when Jan and I danced to the Jackson5 on Friday nights, bonfires at Mark’s house, sitting in Walmart with Chelsey and Christen for hours reading magazines so we didn’t have to buy them, dressing up crazy, weekend road trips to anywhere, skipping Western Civ to get coffee, riding in the back of pick up trucks through corn fields. It was only 3 ½ years ago, but a lot can happen in that amount of time that changes a lot. This song that brought me back to that epic freshman year? Soulja Boy. Yep; probably the dirtiest song ever, but one that takes me back to a magnificent time of my life. I still know the entire Soulja Boy dance that I learned that year too, in case you were wondering.
As I drove listening to this song and remembering, suddenly I wanted to go back so badly. I longed to be back to that year. Things seemed simpler, college was just beginning and our cares were not high. I thought while the song was playing just how much things have changed, and I almost became bitter. I saw how relationships changed, things evolve, life changes as the years go on, and I was mad. How did some things that shaped my college life back then get neglected now?
I see my sister running around campus the same way I did when I was 18. Real life isn’t real life. It is a mix of late night chats, running from room to room, pranking your friends, and taking pictures at every moment. Being a senior in college does not offer those kinds of luxuries and I felt slightly jealous of Jessie and this new experience that she was beginning to live out. My experience is almost over. I am so blessed to have had probably the best freshman year in the history of Huntington University, and I told Jessie to make sure to enjoy every second, because soon it is over. It went by in a flash.
I am so glad I heard this song last week because it made me realize just how little time I have left in college. There have been some rough times sandwiched between that amazing beginning of college and my senior year now, and before that moment in my car listening to Soulja Boy I didn’t really care. But suddenly, I did care. I wanted to go back and relive it all. I longed for all of my best friends to go back to the way we were then.
And then it hit me. Suddenly I saw my life as it is today, in this moment. My best friends from that year are still my best friends today. We are not the same people as we were when we were 18. That innocence is gone for the most part, and instead of skipping classes most of us have to go to bed early so we can get up early to go to internships or student teaching. Instead of reading Cosmo after Cosmo we are reading Bridal Magazines. Our relationships with each other and with the other people in our lives have changed since then, as would be expected. But one thing hasn’t; we are all still here together. And our past that we have shared these years have only enhanced our present now. And I realized that although that freshman year together when we all first met was precious, I really would not choose to go back, because where we are now is somewhere only friends who have endured it all together for the last few years could be.
Now I am sitting in my apartment feeling that same way I felt back then; extremely happy. There is no particular reason for it, except that last week when I listened to Soulja Boy I knew that I had limited time here living with these people and I am going to appreciate every last second of it. I am afraid I have took for granted some past memories, but that does not mean that there is not still time. Currently there is a giant stain of hot chocolate spilled on our carpet. I made it for myself and Christen spilled it with her foot. It happened when we were putting a rotten apple with mold on the doorstep of our friends in the other apartment. We are listening to Christmas music. Mark, Chels, Kindra, and Kristen just dropped by. I was just over at Beth, Carrie, Kellyn, and Brittany’s apartment. Susanne and I just made an official count of all of the couples in our apartment who have made out on the couch I am sitting on now. And I am realizing that some things never change, but, life does go on. And this week, in an effort to reconnect with the past that I seemed to leave behind me, I have been blessed like crazy by my friends. And things are incredibly beautiful.
I saw this quote and it really hit me for where I am now in life. Sometimes it is easier to want to go back to another time in our past when we thought things were perfect. This quote made me think that it really is ‘later than you think’ and if we don’t slow down and enjoy this moment here right now, we will miss it. So, slow it down, take way too many pictures, skip class once in a while, stay up all night long, watch the same movie over and over again, fall asleep in your friend’s dorm room, buy ice cream for your friend who just broke up with her boyfriend, smoke a cigar in the back, drive around campus creeping on couples, eat a lot of popcorn, dress up in your 80s outfit when appropriate, heck, decorate your friend’s dorm room with tampons (don’t ask). Live it all up because it really is later than you think.
"Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think."
Sometimes change can hurt, and saying goodbye to old friendships and relationships that were once there can leave a hole, and you want to go back to those ‘good old days.’ But tonight I know that there really is no such thing. I think the moment I am in right now in this very apartment on this very couch with the stench of spilled hot chocolate all throughout the air is a good old day, and someday I will want to be in this moment again.
And how lucky am I?
[But, just for old times sake, I think it’s time to post some pictures from my freshman year]
Pretty sure we did not even know each other in the above picture, but it became our tradition picture ever since it was first taken in August, 2007!
I told you we did do this.
Best floor Christmas decorating ever.
Dancing on top of the library bookshelves. No big deal.
As I drove listening to this song and remembering, suddenly I wanted to go back so badly. I longed to be back to that year. Things seemed simpler, college was just beginning and our cares were not high. I thought while the song was playing just how much things have changed, and I almost became bitter. I saw how relationships changed, things evolve, life changes as the years go on, and I was mad. How did some things that shaped my college life back then get neglected now?
I see my sister running around campus the same way I did when I was 18. Real life isn’t real life. It is a mix of late night chats, running from room to room, pranking your friends, and taking pictures at every moment. Being a senior in college does not offer those kinds of luxuries and I felt slightly jealous of Jessie and this new experience that she was beginning to live out. My experience is almost over. I am so blessed to have had probably the best freshman year in the history of Huntington University, and I told Jessie to make sure to enjoy every second, because soon it is over. It went by in a flash.
I am so glad I heard this song last week because it made me realize just how little time I have left in college. There have been some rough times sandwiched between that amazing beginning of college and my senior year now, and before that moment in my car listening to Soulja Boy I didn’t really care. But suddenly, I did care. I wanted to go back and relive it all. I longed for all of my best friends to go back to the way we were then.
And then it hit me. Suddenly I saw my life as it is today, in this moment. My best friends from that year are still my best friends today. We are not the same people as we were when we were 18. That innocence is gone for the most part, and instead of skipping classes most of us have to go to bed early so we can get up early to go to internships or student teaching. Instead of reading Cosmo after Cosmo we are reading Bridal Magazines. Our relationships with each other and with the other people in our lives have changed since then, as would be expected. But one thing hasn’t; we are all still here together. And our past that we have shared these years have only enhanced our present now. And I realized that although that freshman year together when we all first met was precious, I really would not choose to go back, because where we are now is somewhere only friends who have endured it all together for the last few years could be.
Now I am sitting in my apartment feeling that same way I felt back then; extremely happy. There is no particular reason for it, except that last week when I listened to Soulja Boy I knew that I had limited time here living with these people and I am going to appreciate every last second of it. I am afraid I have took for granted some past memories, but that does not mean that there is not still time. Currently there is a giant stain of hot chocolate spilled on our carpet. I made it for myself and Christen spilled it with her foot. It happened when we were putting a rotten apple with mold on the doorstep of our friends in the other apartment. We are listening to Christmas music. Mark, Chels, Kindra, and Kristen just dropped by. I was just over at Beth, Carrie, Kellyn, and Brittany’s apartment. Susanne and I just made an official count of all of the couples in our apartment who have made out on the couch I am sitting on now. And I am realizing that some things never change, but, life does go on. And this week, in an effort to reconnect with the past that I seemed to leave behind me, I have been blessed like crazy by my friends. And things are incredibly beautiful.
I saw this quote and it really hit me for where I am now in life. Sometimes it is easier to want to go back to another time in our past when we thought things were perfect. This quote made me think that it really is ‘later than you think’ and if we don’t slow down and enjoy this moment here right now, we will miss it. So, slow it down, take way too many pictures, skip class once in a while, stay up all night long, watch the same movie over and over again, fall asleep in your friend’s dorm room, buy ice cream for your friend who just broke up with her boyfriend, smoke a cigar in the back, drive around campus creeping on couples, eat a lot of popcorn, dress up in your 80s outfit when appropriate, heck, decorate your friend’s dorm room with tampons (don’t ask). Live it all up because it really is later than you think.
"Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think."
Sometimes change can hurt, and saying goodbye to old friendships and relationships that were once there can leave a hole, and you want to go back to those ‘good old days.’ But tonight I know that there really is no such thing. I think the moment I am in right now in this very apartment on this very couch with the stench of spilled hot chocolate all throughout the air is a good old day, and someday I will want to be in this moment again.
And how lucky am I?
[But, just for old times sake, I think it’s time to post some pictures from my freshman year]
Pretty sure we did not even know each other in the above picture, but it became our tradition picture ever since it was first taken in August, 2007!
I told you we did do this.
Best floor Christmas decorating ever.
Dancing on top of the library bookshelves. No big deal.
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