I Can Feel My Heart Beating Faster as I Step Out on My Own

Every summer since I was 14, I always kept a summer journal. It started because my birthday comes around just as the excitement of school ending and summer coming arrives, and my friend, Sara, bought me this black and pink journal with a brunette girl holding a shopping bag on the cover. When Memorial Day weekend rolled around that year (I always view that weekend as the official start of summer), I began writing in this journal. I started the journal with a list of my "summer goals." From that year on, every Memorial Day weekend I begin writing in a new summer journal. Many times, my friends will buy me a new one on my birthday, and sometimes, I go in search for the perfect journal myself. I always view my journal as the gateway to my summer, so it is very important that I use a journal that reflects what I expect or hope my summer will be. And each summer, the pages fill up with crazy stories and adventures that have occurred, hopes and dreams, and anything else that fills my summer days.

You see, summer to me is a beautiful time; those 3 months of warm weather, bonfires and staying up as late as you want no matter what you have going the next day. Every summer seems to be defined by several things including: one particular TV show that I seem to watch a lot (and it is always a different one each year somehow), my journal of course, and one song. This summer, being no different than the rest, these three things have already been established on accident. I never pick a show or a song on purpose, they usually just make their way into my life and I remember each summer by these things, among others, but these in particular.

First off, my 2011 Summer Journal:

This was actually given to me at my open house after high school graduation. I loved it as soon as I opened it. The people who gave it to me wrote a kind note expressing that they knew how much I loved writing and traveling and knew this would be perfect for me in the coming years. Since I already had a summer journal for that year started, I planned on waiting until just the right moment to begin writing in it. I kept it on my bookshelf for four years wondering would I would first open it up. This summer seemed to be like the perfect chance; leaving behind an old part of my life and beginning something totally new on my own, an extremely big adventure, and I had a feeling the pages of this journal had what it takes to hold all of the new events to come this summer. So far, it hasn’t let me down. You can call me a nerd, but I really enjoy the big spirals and the way the pages sound when you turn them! I know, weird, but it just feels right!

My 2011 summer TV show as of now is “Why Not with Shania Twain.”

Yes, I know this may also seem strange. I mean, obviously I watch the Bachelorette and How I Met Your Mother, but I watch those throughout the year anyway. Shania Twain’s “Why Not” is something that will only ever really be on this summer and I haven’t missed an episode yet. If you remember, I have loved Shania Twain since third grade. Seriously. I won’t get into it all again, but let’s just say I was pumped to find out that she started this show, haha. And, I somehow always end up crying at some point in it. Oh well, when the summer is over this will be that show that I remember watching late Sunday nights here on the muggy island while drinking my decaffeinated Hazelnut coffee and eating Publix sherbet. Stuff like that just doesn’t come around every day.

And finally, my 2011 summer song is, “One Way Ticket (Because I Can)” by LeAnne Rimes. It’s not a new song, by any means. In fact, it came out when I was in second or third grade. I specifically remember the Christmas I opened up this CD. I had asked my parents for a boom box (haha) and my dad bought me LeAnne Rimes’ first ever CD, this song being her debut song. I spent the entire Christmas break listening to this song over and over and over again. In fact, I am surprised the CD still worked for me to get it on my iPod. Right from then, I loved the song. It is so freeing and has always made me want to go out and be adventurous and live everyday to the fullest. When I was in second or third grade, I dreamt about who I would be when I ‘grew up.’ I definitely do not feel all that much older right now, despite the fact that really I am a grown up living on my own at the moment. But what I do know is that I still love this song and it so describes the place I am at in my life at this very moment, in the summer of 2011. Each line so beautifully illustrates the beginning of a new era and “stepping out on your own.” When I hear the song I can feel what she is singing about because I know what it is like to stand there looking out unaware of what exactly is to come, but diving into it and making it what you want. Not only do I love the lyrics, but the song already holds a special place to me because it reminds me of that Christmas when I got my first boom box, my first desk, the first time I began writing on pieces of notebook paper, and it especially reminds me of my dad. I heard the song again in the beginning of May and right away I knew I wanted to replay the song over and over again as I began this new adventure, so it has definitely become my “Summer ’11 Anthem.” Here are the lyrics:

"One Way Ticket (Because I Can)"

Standing on the border

Looking out into the great unknown

I can feel my heart beating faster as I step out on my own

There's a new horizon and the promise of favorable wind

I'm heading out tonight, traveling light

I'm gonna start all over again

And buy a one-way ticket on a west bound train

See how far I can go

I'm gonna go out dancing in the pouring rain

And talk to someone I don't know

I will face the world around me

Knowing that I'm strong enough to let you go

And I will fall in love again

Because I can

Gonna climb the mountain

And look the eagle in the eye

I won't let fear clip my wings and tell me how high I can fly

How could I have ever believed

That love had to be so blind

When freedom was waiting, down at the station

All I had to do was make up my mind

And buy a one-way ticket on a west bound train

See how far I can go

I'm gonna go out dancing in the pouring rain

And talk to someone I don't know

I will face the world around me

Knowing that I'm strong enough to let you go

And I will fall in love again

Because I can

Well, I have walked through the fire

And crawled on my knees through the valley of the shadow of doubt

Then the truth came shining like a light on me and now I can see my way out

I'm gonna buy a one-way ticket on a west bound train

See how far I can go

I'm gonna go out dancing in the pouring rain

And talk to someone I don't know

I'm gonna buy a one-way ticket on a west bound train

Gonna have my breakfast with some pink champagne

I'm gonna sail the ocean, I'm gonna spread my wings

I'm gonna climb that mountain, gonna do everything."

And so there you have it; the beginning of a whole new summer. I can’t wait to see what is in store – great things, I am sure! As of now, I am sitting here on the back porch listening to the ocean and drinking some pop…not a bad start to the summer, eh?

Oh, The Places You'll Go

Does it freak you out that the above picture I just took right before I started typing this? So it is sort of like you are looking at me and reading this and we are 'talking' to each other...kind of creeps me out. Or maybe I am the only one who even gets what I am trying to say here.

Anyway, I am officially on island time and have been since Monday! Island time basically means that everything moves slower and there is no such thing as actual time because you are leaving in paradise where the sun always shines. For real. Different than West Michigan (and definitely different than Indiana), but I am enjoying my new surroundings.

The past few days have been like a whirlwind of graduating, packing/repacking four times over, plane, trains and automobiles, and meeting a whole lot of new people. Today was my first day working, and I will write more about that tomorrow. I will give you a teaser and just say that I have already met and worked with some amazing people and laughed an incredible amount (if you can't tell, I enjoy laughing). After work today at 3, I hurried home, got in my suit and ran down to the beach. I walked a bit along the shore trying to remember everything I learned today, and when I got back to my 'spot,' I began reading and then crashed. It felt amazing. I had my chair hugging the shoreline so the breeze hit. Considering it was 92 degrees today, I needed that breeze. I feel asleep on the beach for an hour straight; no interruptions. It was glorious, and much needed. I still can't get over the fact that I am living on the ocean.

After jogging around the neighborhood, grilling 2 hot dogs (yes, I did it by myself!), and unpacking some more, here I am. Since I am in a new place, doing something totally new, and meeting new people, I wanted to share with you one of my favorite books of all time. I first heard it when I was in first grade and my teacher read it to my class on our student teacher's last day to sort of send her off. I always remembered that, and was especially thinking of this book as I prepared to graduate and move away for a bit. I always knew I would travel and end up somewhere for a while, but it really is true that you never know how far life can take you when you are willing and put in the effort. It is extremely exciting to feel like you have the world at your feet and can make your own dreams come true. That is why I love the book "Oh, The Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss. It is so true, and what I love most about the book is how he talks about every stage of life, not just the parts where you are the most successful because every season of life is important for the journey. And as I start this new journey of post-college, I enjoy re-reading this book. The book is posted online at www.teamhope.com, but I will post it below so you can enjoy reading this favorite story of mine:

Oh, The Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss

Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look'em over with care.

About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there." With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you'll want to go down. In that case, of course, you'll head straight out of town. It's opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things start to happen, don't worry. Don't stew. Just go right along. You'll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You'll Go!

You'll be on your way up! You'll be seeing great sights! You'll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed. You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so but, sadly, it's true that bang-ups and hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You'll be left in a lurch.

You'll come down from the lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a slump.

And when you're in a slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right...or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you'll start int o race down long wiggled raods at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most uselss place.

The Waiting Place...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a better break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or another chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying. You'll find the bright places where boom bands are playing. With banner filp-flapping, once more you'll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you're that kind of guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't. Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that sometimes you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.

All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and you, that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you'll hike far and face up your problems whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you'll move mountains! So...be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O'Shea, you're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!

How Great is Our God

If there is one song that defines my four years at Huntington Unviversity it would be "How Great is Our God." Whenever the words start, "The splendor of the King..." I immidiately see the transforming years of college flash before me. I see where I began, where I struggled, where I really found what it means to live, and where I am now. This song has been there for me during the most extreme highs and joys, and there when I was t my lowest. It is a song I identify with Huntington; the place where I really learned how great out God is. It's funny because so many people I know went into college afraid and unsure of themselves. I went in with confidence...almsot too much. I see now how God broke through the confidence I had in myself and taught me how to have complete confidence in Him alone. (And sorry that this post is really long, but when big changes happen how do you really condense that many emotions?)

I first really listened and sang in June of 2007 at Freshmen Orientation. My parents and I went down to Huntington for a night of freshmen meeting each other and a chance to register for classes and declare our majors. I remember the weekend like the back of my hand. I remember who I met that night and how it was one of those times when I really fell in love with the place. I knew that night that my life was in transformation. I had just graduated high school and was about to move to a different state, leave behind everyone I knew, and start over. I wasn't scared or worried or stressed. I was ready for college and I was confident. And that night at praise and worship with all of these scared 18 year old who were about to be thrown in dorms together and then our parents who were teary eyed and sad to let us all go, they played the song "How Great is Our God." I had no idea what my experience at Huntington was going to be like that night or just how much I would change, but as the song played and we sang along I knew that God was in control and was a part of that campus and I felt so joyful.

Throughout my freshman year, I felt so high about life. I developed the strongest friendships and most beautiful memories, and I remember for one of the first times feeling such a thankfulness to God for putting me at Huntington. That September, I resurrendered my life to Christ. I was always a Christian it seems, but that fall I really decided that Christ was going to be at the center. At the beginning of that year, my floor (the girls who were and still are my closest friends) would always sing that song at our floor worship and when we went out to other churches. I was always amazed at how beautiful all of our voices sounded, except for at one part when none of us could hit the high note. I felt so proud that I went to a school that invested so much into people who wanted us to be invested in Christ. That year the song represented a time of praise and beauty and fun. I am pretty sure I am still catching up on all of the sleep I missed from freshman year from being too social.

Then my sophomore year, the words brough on a whole new meaning. After suddenly losing someone I was so close to, that confidence I once had in myself and my abilities seemed to disappear. I felt so distanced from my family and felt as if I was grieving Brad being gone all alone down at Huntington. Looking back now, this tragedy has made my experience at Huntington all the sweeter. That place is the place where I began to totally rely on God at my lowest times. The place where my friends showed me so much love, where I grew spiritually in so many ways, wehre I spent nights crying and feeling alone and so incredibly sad. But that year I also learned that God can take something so tragic and teach me so much. Huntington is also that place where i was healed within its walls of love; where my professors counseled me and wehre the worship times challeneged me and told me it would eventually be okay. Again that song was there on my first night back from being home after it all. They played it and again the words spoke to me, "and time is in His hands..." and I knew that even though then I was feeling pain and I did not think I could make it through down at Huntington, I knew that time was in His hands and He would bring me through. that year, "How Great is Our God" played at Brad's funeral and I cried and cried. And today I especially wish Brad were here and I could tell him about all the crazy college times and how I graduated with two majors like we talked about before, and we could talk about teaching and coaching. It seems like just yesterday we both graduated from high school and took this picture, and I so wish he could have graduated from college too.

During this past year, knowing it was my final year at Huntington, this song played again at our first chapel of the year. I listened to the words like I have so many times before, recalling the past years and anticipating the next one. Later this year, I was driving in my car to get lunch just days after ending a relationship that was a part of me for my college days and moving on from someone I was so close to and feeling sad and unsure of what I was doing. This song came on, and even though during that moment I didn't want to be in the situation I was in, I felt God speaking to me again through this song.

Then in March, Liz, Sara and I went to a Chris Tomlin concert on a rainy Wednesday afternoon in Ft. Wayne. I didn't know what to expect, and I really did not expect to be as moved as what I was. Toward the end of the concert, after an incredible speaker shared his insight, Chris Tomlin played "How Great is Our God" and hundreds of people all sang along with him. In that moment, listening and singing along with the man who wrote the song that moved me in so many ways, I felt so peaceful.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at my last Sunday service at College Park. I knew that within the next two weeks I would be saying goodbye to my best friends, turning in final projects, and walking the sidewalks of my campus for the last time. I knew that my life was changing, and while I was excited, I was also scared. Of course during church that morning they played "How Great is Our God." Now today, one day after graduation, I really and truly understand how great our God is. When I was waiting for my name to be called at graduation and as I accepted my diploma, I felt so grateful for my experience that God gave me at Huntington. I knew all of the work and all of the struggles and all of the beautiful times that went into my years there and so when I shook President Dowden's hand, I felt such a pride for my school.

Things definitely were not always easy, but there is something all the more beautiful about a journey that was filled with bumps and brokeness. Even today I see the mistakes I have made, hurts I have caused, and places I still need to grow. I have no doubt that I will continue to grow in Him, but I am so thankful for what He has done with me through these years. I could not have asked for a better place to become.

At the service and Commencement yesterday, our speakers focused on Jesus Christ and how He is our identity. They spoke about how our 'student identify' is soon going to be taken from us, so who are we? Well, they both said, we are children of God and that is our true identity. They spoke about how many people are a part of our lives for a certain amount of our journey and travel with us for only a portion. I know deep down that many of my friends from Huntington I will no longer see very often and that they were a part of my life for only those four years, but like the speaker said, there is someone who is with us the whole journey. The one who is there for us at every stop is Jesus. Just like how the song has been with me for these years, Jesus is the one who knows all about me, my struggles, my weaknesses, my strengths. He is the one who was and who will always be there, because you know something? As of yesterday my days of being able to run over to Emily and ask her to go for a walk with me, driving to Taco Bell with my friends, playing tennis late at night under the lights, have awkward run ins, dance like there is no tomorrow with the girls, go to Liz's to watch teh Bachelor; those days are over. When we crossed that stage yesterday as alumni of HUntington it was time to say goodbye. And it is sad to say goodbye, but I know for a fact that all of my friends who corssed that stage are followers of a much higher cause and purpose than just a diploma. And how incredibly great is it that we go to a school that placed Jesus as their number one priority?

In our Commencement handout, this was written on the last page. Even though it is long, it made me very proud of Huntington:

"It has been Thy good pleasure, O Lord, to give Thy people this property, this building and these grounds to be used for the purpose of Christian education. Now, with hearts of gratitude to Thee, we desire to consecrate this edifice and these grounds to Thee. And now, O Lord, we dedicate this building form tower to foundation-stone with all its furniture of any and every kind, and all that may hereafter be put into it in harmony with piety and prosperity, and dedicate these grounds with all improvements which may be made now or hereafter...We dedicate all these to Thee, O Lord, to the cause of Christian education, in the name of the Triune God. Amen.'

With those words of prayer on September 21, 1897, United Brethren Milton Wright dedicated the first building on the Huntington University campus. As local newspapers reported, the doors of the university were 'thrown open to all for their education as taught from the Word of God.'

Though the world and the campus are much changed, Huntington University remains steadfastly committed to its founding mission to educate men and women to impact our world for Christ.

Our goal is to graduate men and women who will be mature in spirit, equipped for ministry, competent in their academic disciplines, Christian worldview, and ready for leadership.

May the Class of 2011 take up this charge and honor Christ through their scholarship and service. May they prove with their lives that Huntington University is indeed fulfilling its sacred mission."

After reading that in my bulletin, I did feel that Huntington has fulfilled its purpose in my life. I feel so blessed to be able to go to a school that from its beginning days in 1897 dedicated the grounds and the very building in this picture to God, has been awarded as a top school in the nation, and has such a rich history. I felt lucky to be an alumni to a place where my parents graduated, a place my family invests in because they believe in it, and where my aunt and grandpa are on the Board. And even though I am going to definitely miss my friends and the people and the late nights and the beauty of the campus, I am excited to see where God is going to lead me next based on the education I received there that went far beyond the textbooks.

As I said goodbye to my friends, said thank you to those professors who pushed me and made me into a better person, and collected my final boxes from my apartment, I again just wanted to thank God that I was able to go there. So thank you, Huntington, for being a place filled with so many memories and for showing me what it means to be a Christ follower and enabling me to go out into the world to make it a better place. God really is great.

"Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time."

Someone wrote this Bible chapter down in a new Bible they got me for my high school graduation. I remember reading it back then and liking it. Then, within the next couple of years, a lot of the verses took on a lot of meaning to me. I read it a lot, and I especially think it is relevant for all of the things happening in my life now. This week so far has been beautiful. I have been able to spend a ton of quality time with my friends and really enjoy campus and these people. Tonight after spending a few hours at a bonfire with tons of great friends, I was reminded again of how awesome it is that there are going to be a whole bunch of incredible, smart, and Christian people heading out into the world after Saturday. I looked at these people who I have grown so close to over the past four years and I am really proud of them. I remember when we were just freshmen and not knowing time would go by this fast. Now here we are, about to hit the 'real world,' whatever that means. I know that many of them are nervous, scared to say goodbye, unsure. And some of us know what the next step is. But either way, we are headed into a time of transitioning and waiting to see what that next moment in our story will be. Here is Psalm 27:

The Lord is my ligth and my salvation - whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?

When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.

Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me, evne then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, t gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord.

Hear my voice when I call, O Lord; be merciful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, Lord, I will seek.

Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my savior.

Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.

Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.

Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Chhhhhhanges....

Okay, the title is supposed to be like the title of that David Bowie song "Changes" in case you didn't understand. I think it fits into my life perfectly.

So, I wanted to try to write about what I am feeling right now. That sounded a little emotional, and I guess I am okay with that because life really is changing so fast. I don't even have enough time to process all that is going on. This is also probably a great thing, considering if I did have time or energy to sit and think about everything going on I could probably shed a whole lot of those bittersweet tears. But, I am afraid these last moments of college are going to pass me by without me being able to actually reflect upon them. So, forgive me for the sappy posts to come, but as my friends and I say, "you gotta do what you gotta do."

I just opened my email and it hit me. I was reading the emails we get constantly from "Norm's Grapevine." They get annoying...usually. But tonight I realized that this is my last week getting Huntington University updates. It is the last week I will need to know when study break is or what hours the DC is open, and suddenly I felt that pang of bittersweet sadness and realized that I am going to miss those dumb emails.

I guess it is the little moments that make me feel the sting of moving on. I have been uploading pictures onto my computer since day one at Hungtington. Titles of the albums were like" First Days at HU, Loving Life, and Huntington in the Fall. I just labeled my last upload, Last Days at HU, and those words somehow made me feel sad.

In exactly 6 days, I will be graduating. I picked up my cap and gown, signed final papers and applied for my teaching license. I turned in my final portfolio and project last week and said goodbye to Roanoke ELementary on Friday. so I guess it is no wonder why last Tuesday while my fifth graders were singing their fifth grade graduation song, "My Wish," I wanted to run to the bathroom and cry. You see, that song played when I graduated high school. That moment of sitting in the Grandville High school gym the day befre graduation wondering and planning and dreaming about what my adventure at Huntington University would look like seems literally just like yesterday. I have heard people say this beofre, but I am not kidding; it feels like just yesterday I woke upto go pick up my high school diploma and head to the senior all-nighter. Where did time go?

Now, here i am 22 years old and ready to leave behind something that only just started and begin a whole new adventure. Change. Those moments of realization that life here at college is over and you have to leave behind incredible people come at weird times. They don't come when you think they would, like when all of us Hardy 1st girls from freshman year (who are sill close today!) got together for one final reunion last Sunday night. Instead, those moments where it hits that you are growing up and moving on come in the quiet moments when you least expect.

For example, last Saturday I had my last tennis match ever. All day I was expecting to feel some sort of emotion, but it never came. Or at least it never came until after a four hour bus ride back from Chicago and I was sitting in the very baack and everyone else was asleep. It was dark out and we were sweaty and tired. I looked up quickly and saw our buses pulling into the field house and saw my teammates and friends slowly starting to wake up. I saw my tennis bag falling over and thought how this is the last time I am going to be sitting in the back of one of these buses late at night smelly and tired. And right there and then, I felt sad. I felt like I wasn't ready to leave.

That night as I headed back to my apartment, I drove pats College Park Church and thoguht about how that next morning would be my last time attending that church where I have so many memories. Walking to church with friends freshman year, playing Sardines in the middle of the night with all of the church lights off (I don't even remember how we snuck into church, but we did), heading out to Los Amigos with everybody after church, confessions of true feelings for you on the church's front door steps in the middle of a December night because there was nowhere else to go, awkward moments, sneaking in the back so that no one notices you walking into church fifteen minutes late because you were out too late Saturday night. How do you just say goodbye to stuff like that?

On Thursday night my wonderful friends had a little birthday celebration for me. After cupcakes and laughing, Emily accidnetally found an old video we made back when we were freshmen. Hilarious...like, extremely hilarious. Slightly embarassing, but such a reminder of the old days. All of us sat around her com;puter laughing and remembering. It was forty minutes long, but somehow we just could not stop it; we wanted to remember. (And, we can all admit that while we may have matured a bit, we are still the same people we were then, haha)

And on Friday I said goodbye to my fifth graders. They were so sweet and made me cards and threw me a little party. Some of them made me this wonderful poster that will forever remind me of what an honor it is to be a teacher. They are precious because they drew a notebook and pencil because they know I love to write, a tennis racket, and the book "Where the Red Fern Grows" because that is the book I read to them. This potser is just a small example of hte impact we can have in people's lives even when we don't realize it at the time.

Again, this was just another reminder of how much life is changing. It seems like just an hour ago I was leaving for my first day of student teaching and now I am finished.

As I prepare tomorrow to make my final trek down to Huntington University to say my final goodbyes and walk across the stage to accept my diploma, I will be remembering something so beautiful that has come and gone too quickly. Change; I am ready to embrace it, but saying goodbye is the tough part.