So, I wanted to try to write about what I am feeling right now. That sounded a little emotional, and I guess I am okay with that because life really is changing so fast. I don't even have enough time to process all that is going on. This is also probably a great thing, considering if I did have time or energy to sit and think about everything going on I could probably shed a whole lot of those bittersweet tears. But, I am afraid these last moments of college are going to pass me by without me being able to actually reflect upon them. So, forgive me for the sappy posts to come, but as my friends and I say, "you gotta do what you gotta do."
I just opened my email and it hit me. I was reading the emails we get constantly from "Norm's Grapevine." They get annoying...usually. But tonight I realized that this is my last week getting Huntington University updates. It is the last week I will need to know when study break is or what hours the DC is open, and suddenly I felt that pang of bittersweet sadness and realized that I am going to miss those dumb emails.
I guess it is the little moments that make me feel the sting of moving on. I have been uploading pictures onto my computer since day one at Hungtington. Titles of the albums were like" First Days at HU, Loving Life, and Huntington in the Fall. I just labeled my last upload, Last Days at HU, and those words somehow made me feel sad.
In exactly 6 days, I will be graduating. I picked up my cap and gown, signed final papers and applied for my teaching license. I turned in my final portfolio and project last week and said goodbye to Roanoke ELementary on Friday. so I guess it is no wonder why last Tuesday while my fifth graders were singing their fifth grade graduation song, "My Wish," I wanted to run to the bathroom and cry. You see, that song played when I graduated high school. That moment of sitting in the Grandville High school gym the day befre graduation wondering and planning and dreaming about what my adventure at Huntington University would look like seems literally just like yesterday. I have heard people say this beofre, but I am not kidding; it feels like just yesterday I woke upto go pick up my high school diploma and head to the senior all-nighter. Where did time go?
Now, here i am 22 years old and ready to leave behind something that only just started and begin a whole new adventure. Change. Those moments of realization that life here at college is over and you have to leave behind incredible people come at weird times. They don't come when you think they would, like when all of us Hardy 1st girls from freshman year (who are sill close today!) got together for one final reunion last Sunday night. Instead, those moments where it hits that you are growing up and moving on come in the quiet moments when you least expect.
For example, last Saturday I had my last tennis match ever. All day I was expecting to feel some sort of emotion, but it never came. Or at least it never came until after a four hour bus ride back from Chicago and I was sitting in the very baack and everyone else was asleep. It was dark out and we were sweaty and tired. I looked up quickly and saw our buses pulling into the field house and saw my teammates and friends slowly starting to wake up. I saw my tennis bag falling over and thought how this is the last time I am going to be sitting in the back of one of these buses late at night smelly and tired. And right there and then, I felt sad. I felt like I wasn't ready to leave.
That night as I headed back to my apartment, I drove pats College Park Church and thoguht about how that next morning would be my last time attending that church where I have so many memories. Walking to church with friends freshman year, playing Sardines in the middle of the night with all of the church lights off (I don't even remember how we snuck into church, but we did), heading out to Los Amigos with everybody after church, confessions of true feelings for you on the church's front door steps in the middle of a December night because there was nowhere else to go, awkward moments, sneaking in the back so that no one notices you walking into church fifteen minutes late because you were out too late Saturday night. How do you just say goodbye to stuff like that?
On Thursday night my wonderful friends had a little birthday celebration for me. After cupcakes and laughing, Emily accidnetally found an old video we made back when we were freshmen. Hilarious...like, extremely hilarious. Slightly embarassing, but such a reminder of the old days. All of us sat around her com;puter laughing and remembering. It was forty minutes long, but somehow we just could not stop it; we wanted to remember. (And, we can all admit that while we may have matured a bit, we are still the same people we were then, haha)
And on Friday I said goodbye to my fifth graders. They were so sweet and made me cards and threw me a little party. Some of them made me this wonderful poster that will forever remind me of what an honor it is to be a teacher. They are precious because they drew a notebook and pencil because they know I love to write, a tennis racket, and the book "Where the Red Fern Grows" because that is the book I read to them. This potser is just a small example of hte impact we can have in people's lives even when we don't realize it at the time.
Again, this was just another reminder of how much life is changing. It seems like just an hour ago I was leaving for my first day of student teaching and now I am finished.
As I prepare tomorrow to make my final trek down to Huntington University to say my final goodbyes and walk across the stage to accept my diploma, I will be remembering something so beautiful that has come and gone too quickly. Change; I am ready to embrace it, but saying goodbye is the tough part.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment