The End of 2010

Last year on New Year’s Eve, I did my annual list of what the old year brought and what I hope the new year will bring. What I love about writing is that we can go back to what we wrote and thought then and see how far we have come now. I remember when I wrote that post on December 31, 2009 I was sitting in my aunt’s living room waiting to get ready for my New Year’s Eve party with some of my closest friends. I reflected upon 2009, and said, “Look out 2010, here we come. I am ready for a wild ride.”

2010 surely was one heck of a wild ride. Let’s take a look back on a year that taught me that whatever you may have planned for your life or the things you think will never happen, just might.

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The very first picture of 2010. Taken just moments after midnight. At this point, I had no idea of all of the great adventures that were going to come my way this year.

2010 started off with one of my most challenging and rewarding experiences: teaching kindergarten at Ft. Wayne Public Schools. Such a great adventure. I still think about these kids a lot. I miss them.

Two of my kindergartners showing what they made for my lesson. I loved teaching them this language arts lesson!

I loved spending every morning in January with these girls driving to Harrison Hill Elementary.

Chelsey, Christen, Lindsay and I got to go to Gasparilla Island for spring break. Too fun to even describe.

Easter back on the island with the whole family! So great!

In one of my classes we had to write songs. I wrote a song about the zoo for kindergartners. It goes along to the tune "Home on the Range." It was a number one hit at Huntington, so much so that even my friend Erica felt the need to write the lyrics on the board!

Saying goodbye to good friends and ending another spring tennis season.

Beth and I in the backseat creeping on couples at night. When I leave Huntington, this is one of the things I am going to miss: driving around late to honk at the couples making out in F lot.

The day Sex and the City 2 came out, I drove down to Indiana to watch it with these best friends. My Sex and the City girls!

In May, Jessie graduated! Grandville High School is officially out of our lives. Weird.

I was able to intern at Amway again where I met these great girls! It was an amazing opportunity again, and awesome to meet new people!

No year would be complete without taking in a Tiger's game!

Trips to the beach with them is always hilarious. Friends since 7th grade? You got it.

Obviously, a lot of time spent in the summer at the cottage!

August trip to Chicago!

Of course, a family trip to Mackinac in August!

In August, Brynne moved downtown into this huge (and slightly creepy, haha) house which is called Morris. It is a 2010 highlight because this house has let us all spend a lot of time together this year!

Jessie moved down to Huntington with me in August! We officially became neighbors. Her being on campus has sure changed a lot of the dynamics for the better! It's pretty funny and we have been able to have a lot of fun and watch our lives unfold!

Pre-season in August is probably my favorite time at Huntington, especially this year. While the freshman tennis players had orientation stuff on Saturday, the upperclassman went to the 'beach' and then went to Ft. Wayne to Olive Garden. SO fun. Such wonderful friendships!

Again, pre season: The team always goes on different outings at night after our 2 practices a day. Keaton and I have been bowling buddies ever since freshman year, and now we are finally seniors!

The tennis girls at the Tincaps Game in Ft. Wayne during pre-season. So many great memories here of talking about upcoming first dates, watching new romances start to bloom, and laughing about how funny coach is.

My last Stance ever :( This is our annual picture that we all take at every Stance. Wouldn't go to a Stance without them!

My last Hoedown ever :( This night was very fun!

This photo probably does not say a lot to anyone else but me. I clearly remember the exact event that happened before this picture was taking. It was one of those moments when you say, "Never in a million years would I think to be here." hah. And then, Susanne brought in this giant bird. Memorable night, that is for sure.

Tennis this fall = amazingly fun. I think some of my best memories from 2010, and my senior year, will revolve around spending time with these girls, home matches, practices, playing tennis, and laughing a whole lot.

One of the greatest adventures of 2010 was being doubles partners with Jessie, haha. We fought like sisters on the court, but we got in sync eventually. It was a memorable time, that's for sure.

These are my wonderful roommates, and some of my best friends: Christen, Susanne, and Lindsay. Christmas is a big deal at our apartment. Here we are in front of our tree just after we spent a great Sunday night decorating!

My roommates and I (well, actually just Susanne), rescued this cat and adopted it in our apartment (which is against the rules, by the way). We named her Sophia. She was great for 2 days, but after a while she started to freak us out...and she smelled awful. We had her for 3 weeks before we took her to the animal shelter, where we actually found out that she was a he; a neutered male.

Lindsay, Susanne and I threw the First Christmas Party of the Year. Obviously it was a hit, haha, and a great way to start celebrating Christmas!

<--- Celebrating my beautiful friend, Carrie's last days of being single. Now she is leaving us for a boy. What am I going to do without her in their apartment?!

I could not have ------>
asked for two better listeners and people to make situations better than Brittany and Beth.

Living with my roommates this year has been amazing. We are super weird and spend hours and hours just laughing and talking. Life in the 831 could not be better with them.

Ugly sweater party at Morris with some of the best friends around!

Gift exchange for the 10th year in a row! Love coming home to these girls.

Christmas time with the family in my favorite city, Grand Rapids :) The night before Christmas Eve we went out to our favorite restaurant downtown, the BOB and then walked around. Beautiful!

Spending part of Christmas break on the island, where I will say goodbye to 2010 and hello to 2011!

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As you can see, 2010 was an exciting year. This year also brought on some of my favorite memories from college. 2010 taught me that you can never really know how life is going to be. Life is crazy, that’s for sure!

This year circumstances that have been occurring since 2007 completely unfolded. I didn’t necessarily want it to happen. In fact, for the past 4 years I have been fighting against it. Then this year I finally just rolled with life. Looking back now, I just have to laugh. Even though it is all bittersweet, I realized this past week that I would not wish for it to have not occurred. In fact, I was reading a journal I kept during my freshman year, all the way back in 2007. Even way back then I started praying about this and have since. This made me realize that the circumstance and happenings were meant to happen, because I did surrender it to God, and I will continue to surrender to Him in 2011.

That being said, 2010 was really a great year. I learned how to trust, how to be more dependent, and how to let go. I learned what change is again and what it means to let change happen and not wish for past days.

2010 will always be a great year. A year filled with firsts and lasts. A year filled with songs like “Wish Right Now” and “Dynamite.” This year will always be one that reminds me of youtube videos and days spent collecting shells, playing tennis in the dark, and staying up all night with special people and learning to open up.

Crazy how fast a year goes and what all can happen. So, one more day in 2010. I am planning on having it go out like a bang, just the way it started! And as I say goodbye to 2010, and letting go of the past, this quote seems appropriate:

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.”

To the Sea

Currently I am the only one up in a house filled with people (okay, seven people), sitting in the beautiful living room. I can hear and smell the ocean, and even feel the cool breeze coming off of it; I just can’t see it because of the dark. This phenomenon makes waking up extremely exciting. When you go to bed you know the sea is feet away, you just can’t see it. Then, when you stand from your bed and look out the window, there it is. Below is a picture from the window of the master bedroom from my bed. Not bad, huh?

We arrived back on the island Christmas night. The most thrilling part was when we were crossing the bridge and being able to see the roads and homes that I remember from last time. The roads and homes that lead to this enchanting place. I felt as if I hadn’t left. Even though this is only my third time here, the place already feels like a safe haven, much like the cottage. Already there are memories stored here, secrets, and dreams that I unknowingly left within the walkways and walls.

I didn’t realize this until I walked in the doors. Well, actually, got off the elevator. My aunt had an elevator put in to make carrying luggage/groceries in easier. Needless to say, it is probably the best addition to the place yet, hah. I rode the elevator up to the third floor with my mom and our luggage. It is a strange feeling riding a private elevator in your aunt’s house, especially when it opens right in the hallway leading to your bedroom. But, as soon as I stepped out the smell of the place filled my nose and the feelings came back.

In case you didn’t know, the ocean has a smell. I think it is the most fantastic smell ever; salty and breezy and fresh. And, since this place is right on the ocean, it smells like the ocean. I had forgotten this smell, and so when I stepped off the elevator I remembered the last times I was here.

In the spring, my life was much different than it is now. The circumstances on my mind then, or what I was worried about in March while I was here the first time have worked their way out. The exciting opportunities we all discussed in April have passed and new ones have come along. Relationships have ended since then, and new friends have been added into the mix. All within 9 months. Funny how quickly life moves, isn’t it? And now here I am back and wondering how everything changed so quickly and wondering if really anything is ever constant. Then I hear the sea and know that it isn’t about having a life filled with no change, but rather learning how to roll with the change.

Coming to the ocean is healing on so many levels. The mystery and depth is indescribable. Our first day here it was wild and dangerous. The waves were thrashing and beating against the sand and you could see whitecaps for miles and miles. The sea tossed huge shells up to shore showing the power that the water has.

Then today the water returned to its turquoise green color and it seemed more peaceful and tranquil. I love the ocean because there are so many stories that it can tell. The sea isn’t steady. Rather it is in constant change; the tide comes and goes, waves come and go, one day it is wild and death seeking and the next it is at peace. The ocean doesn’t have all good days filled with calm waters. Many of its days are like that, but not all. Once in a while a storm does come and the waves toss the life living under it dangerously, sometimes washing them to shore. I love that. I love it because that is how life is.

Our lives are not filled with constant pleasure and tranquil waters every single day. I believe that life is great, but the storms do come and create those whitecaps and change the turquoise to a dark grey. But, just like the sea, there is beauty in the colliding waves and the dangerous current; you may just have to look harder to see it. And, just like the sea, eventually the storm does pass and the turquoise green calm comes back. But, one does not come without the other at some point. And, like the ocean, life would be awfully dull if all we knew were calm seas and never could come to know the joy of learning how to walk with the rushing current of the stormy waters.

And that is why I am thankful to be back. I am thankful to hear the roar of the ocean now, knowing that in the morning the turquoise calm will be there awaiting my bare feet again.
One of my favorite songs from when I was little is the song “Calypso.” My aunt made me listen to it one time in her kitchen when I was little and described the song to me. Basically it is about this ship named Calypso who brought men through the stormy seas and told a story. I always think of that song when I am sailing. One of my favorite lines in the song says, “to be true as the tide, free as a wind swell, joyful and loving in letting it be.”

I love this line because the tide is true. It comes when it should, and leaves when it should; it is reliable. Wind swells are free; they come and go as they please mixing things up. The ocean has both, and like the tide and wind swells we too need to be joyful and loving in letting whatever comes our way be. The sea does not question, it simply does.

So, here is to the cleansing sea, one of God’s most incredible creations. May it always bring wonder, hope, mystery, fear, and charm.

"When anxious, uneasy and bad thoughts come, I go to the sea, and the sea drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its noise, and imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused."- Rainer Maria Rilke

Christmas Memories Part II

Here we go to Part II!

6. Nutcracker. This word brings back so many Christmas memories it is unreal. Whenever the word comes up, I hear the sound of the Grand Rapids Symphony playing the famous overture and I can see the first scene of the beautiful ballet. My friends and I, since freshman year of high school, were apart of Grandville High School Choir. Every Christmas, our choir had the chance to be the choir for 3 different Nutcracker performances that season. Basically, we always had a blast and something weird always happened. This particular year, none of us were 16 so we had to have our parents drop us off and pick us up downtown at Devos Hall. We were all dressed in our long, black choir dresses and slippers and just experienced the magic that is the Nutcracker. I could go on and on about the memories from this, but the one that we always joke about even still is when Brynne and I ran in and stepped on this old lady. We were all walking to go to the lobby at the end of the show, when all of the spectators were also coming out. This particular lady, dressed in a long fur coat carrying a cane (yes, carrying because I don’t even think she really needed it), somehow ended up smashed between Brynne and I. We were just on our merry way loving life, when suddenly her and I physically ran into this woman. We got her good, too. Brynne stepped on her left foot and I stepped on her right foot, and the funny part was neither of us knew that the other one had also stepped on her. We both just kept on going after we said, “Sorry!” Did it end there? No. She picked up her cane yelled at both of us to get our attention and proceeded to ask us if it was everyday that we ran over handicapped people. After a lecture right there in front of a lot of people, Brynne and I continued to find our friends as we were trying to hold in our laughter. Oops.

7. Caroling freshman year with Chelsey and Lindsay and a bunch of random people was probably the coldest experience of my life. You could get chapel credit if you caroled to surrounding streets around Huntington. Of course, the three of us (naturally) were extremely low on chapel credit so we basically had to do this. It was literally 3 degrees out that night and Chelsey was not wearing boots and my gloves got wet; not exactly dressed for the elements. We got in a group with a few people we sort of knew, grabbed our music and were off. I still remember we caroled along Opal street, rang the doorbells and just started singing. The three of us were the worst singers out there, and in between Silent Night and Jingle Bells we complained about how cold we were and how we were never going to step foot outside again. But to this day, we still talk about that night because it was one of those nights where Christmas really looked like Christmas.

8. I could probably go on and on about the following pictures, but I won’t. In basic terms, every Christmas Hardy Hall, the last week of classes, has a floor decorating contest. All four floors pick a different theme and just run with it. Our floor , the infamous Hardy First, naturally waited until the very last minute to start decorating. All the other floors had master plans and blueprints and had scheduled times for decorating. Not us. Just six days before we would be judged, we got together decided to decorate like Macy’s Department Store (we even included a Santa/sleigh in the back), drove out to Macys to collect any sort of material we could, and then started painting. We had no blueprint, no schedule. All we had were a bunch of crazy girls who truly enjoyed each others company staying up until 4 am every night inhaling paint fumes as we designed signs and costumes listening to Christmas music and drinking crappy hot chocolate. We probably should have been studying for finals the next week, and we probably could have been a whole lot cleaner with the decorating process, but we didn’t and we weren’t, and it was great. I remember going out in pajamas in knee deep snow to collect tree branches to hang at 2 in the morning. I remember dressing up like a mannequin and watching my friends make complete fools out of themselves all in the name of winning. We got like zero sleep that week , and we only got 2nd place (we are all still bitter about that), but I will never forget the first Christmas days I spent away from my family and with this new set of family.

9. As I am writing this I am beginning to realize that a lot of my memories are from my freshman year…oops. It must have been a great year! This memory is from that same freshman year that my family and I spent Christmas in Mexico. It was my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary celebration so my entire family flew down to an amazing resort and had a great time over Christmas. Each day was filled with my grandpa doing something embarrassing, my dad making some joke that no one thought was funny but him, my cousins trying to push me in the pool, my grandma buying jewelry, Kelly taking us on some dangerous excursion, my uncle and aunt trying to prank everyone, my mom helping me prank people back, and Jessie and I getting unlimited virgin margaritas every half hour. It was a great trip, and I could list about 20 amazing memories just from that Christmas week. One of my favorites is Christmas Eve. Someone forgot to call one of the restaurants to make reservations for dinner. My grandma was super concerned about this and so everyone was just kind of down. After all, it was Christmas Eve and now we had no dinner. We decided the only option was to get room service. We all ordered a dinner and had it delivered to a table near the ocean. In the midst of our complaining, my cousin Jake had us start playing a game of “Would You Rather.” He would ask each person questions like, “Would you rather massage a hairy man’s back for 10 minutes or eat that same man’s toe nail.” The questions got more and more ridiculous each time. When the food was finally delivered, I am pretty sure no one liked what they ordered. Definitely not a Christmas Eve dinner. Never fear, though, Jake had another game: spin the bottle. Yep. The game made us all forget about the fact that our food tasted like cardboard. In fact, our laughter and stupidity totally wiped out the fact that every other person on the resort was eating at some fancy restaurant like we were supposed to be and that we were the only ones eating thin pizza with nasty cheese on it alone by the water on Christmas Eve. And looking back, that night there is other place I would have rather been.

10. I wrote about this last year, but I have to mention it again. Chicago with some of my best friends last Christmas break was pretty memorable. The picture below is all of us at the Bean. We shopped all day, Chelsey, Christen, Lindsay and I got Starbucks twice, made a hilarious cat documentary at Emily’s cousin’s house, I had the best nap of my life (weird that I still remember that), and just spent some quality time with those same girls who invested hours into their lives decorating Hardy First like Macy’s that one Christmas. There is something about Chicago at Christmas with your friends.

That all being said, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Sorry this is just now posted, I had some blogging difficulties.

Good news is that I am currently in Florida and will post again tomorrow!

Christmas Memories Part I

One of the most special parts about Christmas is the fact that all the times of old are brought back through traditions. Whenever I come back home for the holidays, everywhere I turn there is some memory. In every part of my house something reminds me of a special time. As I drive around these streets that I have lived on for my entire life, I am reminded of moments that may not have even been captured on camera, and only exist in my mind. These memories become sweeter with time, and I am sure you too have been reminiscing of those great Christmas days. I would like to share some of the memories that stick out the clearest in my mind tonight.

1. I am not sure if this was one particular morning, or several mornings strung together, but I so distinctly remember as a child playing with my American Girl dolls in our basement with Jessie. Jess and I could play dolls literally all day, and when Christmas break came, we would most likely be found in the basement bundling up our dolls and setting up the dining table chairs like a sled. Our imaginations were very good, too. We always had really great husbands and our kids were always the cutest. This particular morning I remember it being really snowy and cold and Jessie and I must have gotten up really early to start playing. We were in dress up clothes and were about to go on a sleigh ride with our kids and husbands right before going to a Christmas pageant. We turned on the Christmas music to enhance our playtime, and then off we were. After a couple of hours, my dad called down the stairs telling us we were going to go to the bakery to get some donuts so we should go up and put on our boots and coats. Jessie and I always loved going to the Grandville Bakery. We always (and to this day still do) got the coffee cake donut and would warm it up when we got home. Going to the bakery was even more special because the snow was falling and the line at the bakery was always so long, but everyone would always say, “Merry Christmas!” And on this morning, it was no different. I remember driving there with my family and coming back while it was still morning to eat the donuts and then get right back to playing dolls.

2. When we were little, Jessie would always sleep in my bed with me on Christmas Eve. Reason? My window is right next to the chimney. After we would all watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” together, my dad would come up and read “Polar Express” to her and I. After he left, she and I would stay up for hours giggling and shaking with excitement for what the morning was going to bring. And without a doubt, every Christmas morning, Jessie would wake up at 5:45 and then get me up. My parents always had a rule that we could not get up until 6, so she would give us fifteen minutes to make sure we were ready to go downstairs. And during that time, her and I would sit on the top of the stairs and look down at all of the presents under the tree and ask, “Are you ready yet?” To this day the answer still is, “Wait for your dad to get his tea.” And when he got his tea, we would run down the stairs. We could first open our stockings, and when that was over, we would always go into the kitchen to get hot chocolate and my mom’s casserole that she only bakes for Christmas morning. It always took us a good 2 ½ hours to open gifts, and when it was over, we would pack up the car and go down the road to my grandparent’s house. I always remember being so thrilled to get over there as soon as possible to show my grandparents and Kelly the gifts I got. Whenever we got there, my grandparents, Kelly and great grandparents were always waiting. There was always a fire going, and always coffee and breakfast waiting. Jessie and I would always play in that huge house, waiting for my uncle and aunt to get there so we could open up more gifts. And whenever we did open gifts there, we always went down in the huge basement. This basement had the biggest old fashioned fire place, a jukebox, and those old fashioned machine games that you have to pay a quarter in order to play. My grandma would always tell my grandpa to turn off the game, and somewhere in between playing the machine games with my dad and helping put more wood into the fire, my grandma would play “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” on the jukebox and another beautiful Christmas would continue. I miss those days.

3. When I was in fifth grade I had the best Christmas party ever. My mom was my teacher, and everyone knows that the day before Christmas break is basically party day at school. My mom planned the best fifth grade party that I will never forget. Our class had to dress up for it and parents brought in meatballs, sausages, vegetables and dip, little desserts, and punch. I remember everyone being stoked for it. Not only was that day our big party, but it was also the day we were going to put on our Christmas play for the parents and other classes. This play our class worked on for a while, and we all had awesome elf costumes and sang great songs. That morning as Jessie, my mom, and I were leaving for school, the roads were really icy and snowy. We somehow went off the road a bit and my dad had to come and get us to bring us to school. I remember thinking it was awesome that we were going to be an hour late and I got to miss math, and now my dad got to stay at school to wait for our play. The whole day was everything you would expect a child’s Christmas to be like. My classmates and I performed, my dad helped out in the classroom all day, we had this great ‘fancy’ fifth grade Christmas party and exchanged gifts, we watched a Christmas movie, and finally got to pack up to go home for 2 weeks of vacation. I remember that during this day my mom got a bunch of popcorn tins, movie passes, and pop as gifts from her students and my dad kept making the remark of how we were all going to settle down “for a long winter’s nap.”

4. Macaroni and cut up hot dogs always remind me of the one Saturday every December when I was in elementary school. On that Saturday we would have to meet at church to practice for a few hours for the church Christmas pageant. I always loved these Saturdays. They would always begin with a rehearsal, and then I think we got split up into groups according to age. Each group would go to a station. For some reason we always, always had to watch the Veggie Tale Christmas. If you weren’t watching that, then you were either playing some games, doing a Christmas craft, or goofing off somewhere where you shouldn’t be. But after all of that, before our parents picked us up, we would eat lunch. The lunch was always macaroni with cut up hot dogs. I hope every little kid gets to eat macaroni with cut up hot dogs after practicing for their church Christmas pageant; I really do.

5. Usually the week or so before Christmas my mom, dad, sister and I make the trip down to Indiana to have Christmas with my dad’s family. This always meant that the last Friday of school before break, we would come home, quickly pack and throw our stuff into the car, grab the Christmas music and start the snowy 4 ½ hour drive down to Indiana. It was always an icy drive down, and Jessie and I usually always fought for a good hour of the time about stuff like who was taking up more space or what song we were going to listen to next. After about 2 hours of driving we would stop to get dinner, and Jessie and I always chose to eat at McDonalds. Each time we would always get chicken mcnuggets with extra barbecue sauce. In between bites of nuggets, we would chat about what we wanted for Christmas and how excited we were to get to drink as much pop as we wanted while we were at my grandparents’ house. Every Christmas down there my grandma would make buckeyes and special chex mix. There was always Dr. Pepper in the fridge, and the house was always perfectly warm. So warm in fact that as a kid I would sweat so much because we would be running around the house playing crazy games with my cousins. And for some reason, I can still picture sitting on the little chair with my cousins and sister and watching Home Alone, eating the chex mix and drinking can after can of Dr. Pepper while our parents and my grandparents laughed and talked about the more adult topics.

Oh, Holy Night

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQWXfHzOKUU

One of my all time favorite Christmas songs is Oh Holy Night (I especially love the version linked above). Not only does it take me back to precious memories as a child on special nights like Christmas Eve, but it is a song that really makes me envision Christ’s birth. The words in the song reveal Jesus’ character in the most simple, beautiful way.

My family has a book of famous Christmas hymns and the story behind how they were written. Loving writing like I do, I am always fascinated to read the stories behind the songs or books to see what the author of the words were feeling in order to write such beautiful work. I looked up this song so I can find out just what inspired the author of these words to write them.
Apparently, the author was asked by a French priest to write a poem about the birth of Christ. This French poet at the time was struggling with the priest’s request. On a stagecoach ride from a small town in France to Paris, the poet got to work. He began reading the book of Luke and the story of Jesus’ birth. After reading the complete account, he began to imagine what it would be like to witness the Son of God being born in a tiny town of Bethlehem. The French poet was so moved by imagining such a scene that the words of “Oh Holy Night” just poured out of him, and that night the entire poem was written. After reading his own words that night, he thought they deserved beautiful music to accompany them. Just three weeks later, the song was performed in France at a midnight Christmas Eve service.

Years later in 1871 during the Franco-Prussia War, German and French soldiers were in intense battle during Christmas Eve night. In the middle of the battle, a French soldier came out of the trenches and began singing the first three lines of “Oh Holy Night.” After singing it, the men laid down their weapons for the night in peace.

I love this song not only because I think the above story is wonderful, but also if you listen to the lyrics closely and focus, Christmas, the real Christmas, becomes so alive. This song represents the birth of a baby born in a dirty stable, brought into a world full of sin. I love the line that says, “A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices” because to everyone, Christmas is that time where they get a glimpse of hope. I can’t even imagine what that actual night was like; when hope became fully alive in the shape of an innocent baby.

As the song continues, it covers every aspect of what we picture the Nativity scene to look like. And you can picture a small baby lying in a trough where pigs eat out of: “King of kings, lay thus in lowly manger” and you have to just be amazed that this person who we have created and celebrated an entire season’s worth of holiday was born in a manger. But I love line next line that says “King of kings.” It then goes on to say, “In all our trials, born to be our friend.” This is so beautiful because we are given a picture of the tenderness of Christ. Although he is the king, he was born to be our friend no matter what.

And probably one of my favorite lines of the entire song is, “Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother” because Jesus’ birth broke so many chains; of injustice, heartbreak, sorrow, loss, tragedy, sin. And His life showed us how to love the lowliest of people as our brother.
When I hear the lyrics, “Fall on your knees, oh hear the angel voices” it really makes me stop and think of just how holy a night that was. The Savior was born and yet most of us won’t even stop to ponder the fact that the reason we have Christmas vacation and go shopping for gifts is because Jesus Christ was born. Shouldn’t we fall on our knees?

Listening to this beautiful Christmas hymn puts the entire night of what it must have been like come alive. The song says, “Let all within us praise His holy name.” I hope that within these next few days before Christmas day comes, we can all truly and honestly do this, and listen to the celebration of the angel’s voices, because what a holy night that must have been.

Prince of Peace

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

Lately I have been struggling with being at peace, so the fact that Jesus is the Prince of Peace seems to mean a lot more to me this year. I feel this burden of worry and doubt; and I mean I really feel it, like in my shoulders. Life is changing big time for me. Graduation will be here in May, I move away from some of my best friends, full life responsibility begins to hit, and I am no longer a college student. None of it is anything anyone hasn’t done before, and I realize that. But it is daunting to know that I am sending my resume out with the understanding that in a few months I may be living on my own somewhere else. I have also been feeling this burden of regret and feeling bad about hurtful things I have said and broken relationships that aren’t mended yet. Then when I think about it being my last Christmas when I know I will be home and trying to squeeze in every little Christmassy thing I can; well, it’s just too much pressure!

This past weekend, the weekend before Christmas, I started throwing a freaking out party for myself, and giving into my ‘un-peaceful’ feelings, if you will. Everything seemed to be a crisis for me. I was getting mad because Jessie and I are going to have to share a suitcase for the trip to Florida and I am now going to have to return my leather gloves for a larger size…does it look like I have time to do that? Yeah…these things were actually really pissing me off. I didn’t feel at peace, and I felt like my heart was hardened. Pretty much, I felt like Scrooge. And I knew I was feeling this way so I thought that it would probably be better to just remove myself from being around people. Then I began getting really hard on myself, and the circle of bitter emotions just went round and round.

It was not until this morning at church when I saw what having that inner peace and trusting the Prince of Peace looked like, and my heart was broken.

One of my dad’s cousin’s was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago. I remember hearing about it and feeling sorry for him, especially since it was said that it did not look good. This year, everyone knows it will be his last Christmas.

This morning when we walked into church I saw a man who looked to be in his eighties, unable to hold up his head or neck because the cancer reached his spine, sitting in a wheelchair with his wife smiling by his side and his son standing next to him laughing. He has an 18 year old son who is going to graduate from high school in 2011, and that is the reason he is still getting treatments - so he can make it to see his son graduate. Surely, I thought, this could not be the man I remembered not so long ago. As my dad went over to that area, he said in the friendliest voice, “Hello Thad!” right to my dad, and I began to feel sad.

Surely God would not allow such suffering, especially during a season that is supposed to be filled with joy and celebration. I sat through the service in a weird shock. The service was beautiful; all about Joseph and how he trusted God. It felt ironic to me at the time because I felt so removed from God during that moment, during this whole weekend.

At the end of the service, each row went up at a time to kneel as the pastor came with the wine and bread for communion. I almost felt like I shouldn’t have gone up knowing just how awful of a mindset I was in. And as I knelt waiting for the bread to come to me I prayed that God would bring me peace and heal my heart. I felt like it was a cry out of desperation.

Moments later, as I sat back down in our pew, the man who is dying from cancer was wheeled up to the front by his wife and son and the rest of their pew to receive communion. He was not the same person I remember. If there was ever a picture of what suffering looked like, it was there. It did not seem fair that a man who was once so full of life was now so debilitated by an excruciatingly painful disease. It did not seem fair that he had to suffer in front of his wife and kids. Nothing about watching him take his communion and knowing that this Christmas was his last seemed fair. But somewhere in the sadness the Prince of Peace was ever present there. I can’t explain it. Out of anyone I know they should be the people who seem like they aren’t at peace. They should be the ones who rightfully so have a reason to doubt or to be mad at God. And yet instead of watching a family focused on their pain or sorrow, I saw three people who knew the Prince of Peace.

I sat feeling ashamed of myself for putting so much emotion into packing my clothes for Florida and worrying about my life when someone who I knew was fighting for theirs. My worries were so small. The moments I sat watching him take communion were painfully sad, but something I knew I needed to see. I looked over at my family who had tears in their eyes, and I wanted to cry too. How in the world does a man who cannot hold his head up even make it to church during winter? How can his family still sing in the choir and play the guitar and laugh? How can he still be as friendly as ever even with his feeble voice? It is because I believe they know what real peace is. And even though I saw his wife wipe tears from her eyes as she walked alone to grab her coat, I knew that she knew that there is something bigger out there than cancer, and that is why they could all still feel the presence of peace in the middle of such darkness.

So today I was reminded what Christmas really was all about. And I hope that these next days preceding Christmas, we can all find the peace that only He can bring, even in the darkest moments and when it is hard to believe. And when you think about the fact that a baby born 2,000 years ago came to be our Prince of Peace and take away every single one of our burdens and fears, the calm will come to your spirit, just as it did mine today.

Island Girl

Boca Grande. One of my New Year’s Resolutions from last year was to make Gasparilla Island a home. And a home it has become. I have only been there twice so far, but in less than 30 days, I will be back again, and that is why I am sitting here writing about this island that I wish you all could spend time on. It is truly magical; filled with legends and seashells, croquet tournaments and long afternoons in the sun. When you step onto the island you feel like you have stepped back into the 1920s and whatever you left behind at home becomes simply a memory. The island is where the mysterious ocean meets carefully pedicured sun burnt feet. A place where there is an overwhelming sense of community and there really is such a thing as a ‘social season’. Basically, I fell in love with the place. I have no idea why I am so blessed to be able to have an aunt who owns a place along the ocean in a town that almost feels like it belongs in a different time, but I am going to enjoy it.

The island has been called the best kept secret, and I am glad. It has been featured in the New York Times several times among other big magazines and newspapers, but the serene island has been kept private. You won’t find the pretentious attitude you would get at Naples or crowds of people shopping in tacky Florida tourists stores. The island is filled with the millionaires who have second homes along the beach and fishermen who live year round, and everyone knows everyone. In fact people say that you can’t ever tell if you are talking to the billionaire who has a second home on the island or the local fisherman. That’s what I love. Everyone is somebody, and it does not matter what somebody you are.





I will never forget my first night on the island. My friends and I pulled into the dark security gate and unloaded our stuff. We could hear the ocean but we could not see it. When I awoke the next morning on the giant king size bed, the sun was shining directly in my eyes and I sat up to the same noise I was hearing all throughout the night; the sound of the surf. If you haven’t been able to tell at all by reading this blog, water is probably my favorite thing. I love the lakes in Michigan, and I love the sea. As I sat up in the bed I turned to my right and there it was in all its glory. The turquoise blue water of the Gulf of Mexico. And with one glance I had to get there. I put on my running shoes, grabbed my iPod, and left my sleeping friends to get to the sea. With a few steps, I was there running along a basically deserted private beach with the sun beating down and waking up a sleepy town full of people with groomed poodles carrying their morning coffee to walk to the local gas station to get the newspaper. And I am not even exaggerating. And as I ran along the water, suddenly I saw a pod of dolphins jumping nearly twelve feet away from me. It was only me and the dolphins that morning, and I was totally okay with that.

If there could be a soundtrack to this island it would include songs like “Only the Ocean” by Jack Johnson, “When the Sun Goes Down” and “On the Coast of Somewhere Beautiful” by Kenny Chesney, the Michael Buble classics, of course a little Jimmy Buffet, and Eric Hutchinson’s entire album. Those songs are the songs that are played as you lay in the sand and take a break to fly a kite, or when you get on your boat for the first time and feel the choppy waves of the ocean underneath you, or when you are grilling hamburgers for 12 people, or when you are driving your golf cart to grab some tuna for lunch at the store in town. If that doesn’t get you then maybe knowing that Katherine Hepburn and JP Morgan owned a house on the island and the Bush family spends a couple weeks vacation on the island every Christmas break will let you know that the seven mile island has got personality.

This place is a place for me of complete restoration for your body and soul. I am so looking forward to the deep red sunsets and the morning jogs along the street passing new neighbors. I can’t even wait for the early morning walks along the water when the sky is still grey and your hair is a mess but you are drinking the best cup of coffee. And in my mind right now I can picture the palm trees in the front yard and the tiny little orange tree next to the garage. And I can see Banyan Street and I can see church with its picture of a lighthouse on the front sign. And I can see the Gasparilla Inn golf course that lines along the coast. I simply cannot wait to be reunited with this place, where hopefully I can once again plan for the next phase of my life and maybe even improve my writing and work on a new story.

The salty ocean air will do that to you.

Thoughts on Being a Strong Woman

Usually on Thanksgiving nights, my family and I go and see a movie. This year was no exception. We all headed to the mall to see the movie “Secretariat.” I was expecting the movie to be good and inspiring, and it was both. Definitely a must see. What I like about movies is the messages they have the potential to send to their viewers, and how each person can take something completely different away from it.

There was something in the movie that stuck out to me more than anything else. The main character in the movie, Penny, is a housewife in her 40s. Without going into details about the movie (even though it is a true story, anyway), I will state that when Penny begins devoting her time to working with the spirited horse Secretarian to fulfill her dream, her husband is not exactly enthusiastic. Here Penny was trying to be a good mom to her four kids but still realize that she has her own personal dream to believe in. As the movie continued, you can see in her husband’s eyes how proud he is of her and he begins to give more of his time and efforts to not only continuing his successful career as a lawyer, but to also recognize that his wife has something amazing to offer the world. There is one particular scene in the movie that expressed this. After Secretariat won one of the races, Penny, with her spunky and firey spirit, is standing accepting the trophy and answering questions from the media. In that moment Penny, after three years of working hard and overcoming emotional obstacles, achieved her dream. And in a time where men dominated the career world, Penny’s husband proudly stood behind her and watched her fully become the person she was meant to be. And that, girls, is what we all should strive for in a husband; the man who will stand beside us.

I see it all the time with some couples where the guy always has to better or have the better job than his girlfriend, and that is really sad. I have come to understand that it can be easy on some level to take more of a backseat role in a relationship, but do we really want a guy who feels uncomfortable with us being successful? The strongest guys are the ones who are not afraid to let the person they love fulfill their dreams.

Sometimes I think that girls settle for someone because they are afraid of that awful thing called being single and in the midst of their relationship they lose who they are. It is sad to see people, even friends, who get almost emotionally abused by their significant other because during their relationship they stopped fulfilling their own purpose, and I am here to tell you that every single person walking the planet has a purpose. And if we aren’t with someone who helps us fulfill our purpose then we are not with the right person.

Anais Nin said, “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a women.” I love this quotes because not only does it take courage to be the best version of yourself and take risks, but it also takes courage to wait on that guy who has the courage to let you soar, too.

The women in my family are very successful, stubborn women. I know for sure I have received that stubborn spirit, and I am thankful to have such strong examples of what it looks like to be strong, smart leaders who are women. And I am lucky to see people like my grandpa and dad who are very successful, strong men be proud husbands and not feel threatened by the women in their life’s success.

I want to encourage my girlfriends to seek the men who does compel their strength and not be afraid of letting go of the ones who don’t. Believe me, I know that letting go of the one who isn’t right for you isn’t easy. As you know, I like the book “Bittersweet” by Shauna Niequist. In one of her chapters she discusses what it means to be in your twenties. I love what she says about relationships:

“Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from the ones that don’t give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.”

Because it is true that there are things in life that are mediocre, but love should not be one of them, even though I know it is sometimes scary and sad to walk away from something. But we all need to be with the person who, like Penny’s husband, is proud to stand and watch us shine.

The Best Way to Spread Christmas Cheer is Singing Loud For All to Hear

It’s that time again. That time when you are allowed to listen to songs whose main instrument is jingle bells and eat a crap load of chocolate in every form. The time when you can never wear too much green and red and ugly sweaters are welcomed at parties. The time when every night is booked with some sort of event and you are allowed for a season to act like an eight year old. My favorite time of year.

The last couple of weeks have been amazingly busy, filled with everything to do with the upcoming holidays. Last Sunday, my roommates and I brought in all of our Christmas decorations, turned on the Pandora Christmas station, baked some brownies and nailed up 4 stockings. The night was filled with laughter, and not just regular laughter, that special Christmas laughter. That feeling everyone gets when the holidays come around was ever so present last Sunday night. I think that ‘feeling’ is even better when you are living away from home during college. It’s the fact that you have this special family down at school who you create new traditions and memories with, but then you also have that anticipation of packing your bags to make the snowy drive home for the holidays. I think that the special feeling people get around this time of year is so intense because no matter who you are, at some point you have to know that there is something greater than just you out there. And I know that a lot of people say they give up the secular parts of Christmas so they can focus on Christ’s birth. While I see nothing wrong with that in any way, and I do believe we all have become too worldly around this time of year, I think God wants us to spend this special time of year being with people who love us and to share in that love. I have no doubt in my mind that if Jesus were walking the earth today he would have been right there with all of us hanging ornaments and laughing and celebrating the anticipation of his birthday.

Roommates in our Christmas nook.

The rest of the week was crazy with basketball games, watching movies, planning parties, and spending time with great people. Of course, I am choosing to focus on the social aspect of my life the past couple of weeks…there was of course classes and papers thrown into that mix J.
Wednesday, Lindsay, Chelsey, Christen and I set aside two hours that night to drive to Starbucks (a big tradition of ours) to get a Caramel Brulee Latte. I know for a fact I have written about that latte last year, so if you have not yet tried one, GET ONE. Anyway, it was wonderful to be able to chat and joke with those girls for a while.

Later that night, I was able to go to Carrie’s bridal shower. It was everything you would expect out of a bridal shower, except for the first time it actually hit me that I was at one of my good friend’s bridal showers. No longer was this just some girl I know who is getting married and it would be the polite thing to go to her shower. No; this was my friend’s shower! I realized that a) this means that we are all getting old and b) Carrie is soon going to be living with a boy and not in the apartments. Eeeek. What am I going to do when I can’t run over to their apartment and watch Friends and talk with her?!? But seriously, I am very happy for her and feel so lucky to be able to spend a great night with these girls!

All of us girls with Carrie!

Ashley, Beth, Carrie, Kellyn, Brittany and me.

Britt and I working hard on our underwear hah.

Thursday night was the annual all campus Thanksgiving dinner. Let me just say that I am pretty sure every single person walking Huntington University was there that night because we could barely move. That didn’t stop us from getting stuffing and pie, though. The atmosphere was incredibly noisy, we were scrunched so close together, and the turkey was a little bit dry, but there was a moment in the midst of the Thanksgiving chaos where time just stopped for me for a second. I looked around and saw Brittany laughing at everything, Cassie pointing her fork at people and yelling, “What are you thankful for?? But you can’t say God, family, or friends!” And Eric and Jake throwing bits of corn at people and Bradie yelling, “WHAT??” because it was way too loud to hear what anyone was thankful for. And right there I felt incredibly thankful for being able to go to a school who actually has an all campus Thanksgiving dinner and for friends like Cassie who force you to go around the table no matter how loud or old school it is and tell people what you are thankful for.

Later that night was our Bible Study. Chelsey led it and all of us girls got together at 9:29 to read our Proverbs and pray with each other. It was a great way to start off this season with because it reminded me of the importance of having that strong support group. It was also one of those times when I was able to really feel how blessed I am to have best friends in my life whose ultimate goal in life is to serve Christ, because a lot of people don’t have friends like I do.

Then of course Friday night my apartment and I threw the first Christmas party of the year. I hate to brag, but last year our parties were probably the best things ever, so we had a lot to live up to this year. Susanne, Lindsay and I threw together some dip, chips, and cookies. Well, okay, I actually burnt the first batch of cookies because our oven goes about 200 degrees hotter then what it says and I didn’t know that (probably because this is the first time I have used the oven all year). We then lit the candles, make sure the tree was looking good and got ready. We all wore these awesome socks that really put us into the spirit. And soon enough, our guests arrived dressed in everything from ugly sweaters to weird clothes (as you can see in the below pictures). Our apartment was so full we ended up turning on the air conditioning because it got too hot to even move. Definitely a Christmas success. And since it is almost Thanksgiving, I should probably say that the party again reminded me of how thankful I am to have so many fun people in my life. Friends who make me laugh so hard I can’t breathe, friends who wear ugly clothing to parties and don’t care what anyone thinks, and friends who will dance crazy with you.

Christmas party!

This is how Courtney, Lindsay, and I leave our apartment when it's 2 am and we don't care who sees us.

My burnt cookies :(

Susanne and I in our awesome socks.

Saturday night, Beth, Brittany, Carrie, Ashley and I had a girl’s only night. We watched “Eat Pray Love” and had a pretty amazing time.

Sunday, Beth, Brittany, Cassie and I walked to church. The service was good as usual, and afterward we got dinner at the DC. In the car we listened to Christmas music and squealed with excitement over the possibility of a snowstorm this coming week. Sundays are the best.
That night, a few of us stayed up all night catching up on homework and projects and then going to IHop at 3 a.m. Let me just say that everything said that late at night is always funnier than during regular hours.

Obviously, this last week and half have been busy and filled with fun memories. I could not have thought of anything better to do to bring in the holiday season than to spend it with beautiful people. I know that this season will be filled with moments like the past days have been filled with, and I can’t wait. Many times people always complain about all of the busyness Thanksgiving and Christmas bring. I do think it is true, but part of what it means to celebrate Christmas is to give of your time to other people, and I plan on doing just that. But to also remember that some of the most precious moments of Christmas come in those small moments when you are sitting at your kitchen table late at night drinking hot chocolate while everyone else is sleeping and the only lights on are that of the Christmas tree and a tiny candle. Probably sounds a little 19th century but that is currently where I am now. So this season I am going to enjoy every moment; the times with many friends at parties, the Sundays walking to church, ugly Christmas sweaters, shopping and baking, and playing in the snow. But I am also going to remember to sit back and just look at the snow falling or stare at the Christmas tree. And no matter what anyone says, it really is true that the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear…and I am pretty sure we have done a great job of that so far J (and remember to watch Elf before Christmas. Seriously).

With that, I must pack my things for Thanksgiving because in less than 20 hours Jess, Jordan and I will load all of our crap into my car, grab some coffee and drive home, and we can’t even wait. There is something so special about driving home for the holidays and knowing that when you pull into your driveway after you haven’t been home in a while, your parents will be there and life will bring you back to when you were ten years old. I can’t wait for my grandma's raspberry dessert, shopping with Jessie, getting coffee with my mom, playing Monopoly with my dad, seeing my friends, and watching movies in my basement!

Home! I get to see this in 20 hours. Can't wait.

[I also promise that I will update over this long Thanksgiving weekend so my posts will not be nearly so long!]