Thoughts on Being a Strong Woman

Usually on Thanksgiving nights, my family and I go and see a movie. This year was no exception. We all headed to the mall to see the movie “Secretariat.” I was expecting the movie to be good and inspiring, and it was both. Definitely a must see. What I like about movies is the messages they have the potential to send to their viewers, and how each person can take something completely different away from it.

There was something in the movie that stuck out to me more than anything else. The main character in the movie, Penny, is a housewife in her 40s. Without going into details about the movie (even though it is a true story, anyway), I will state that when Penny begins devoting her time to working with the spirited horse Secretarian to fulfill her dream, her husband is not exactly enthusiastic. Here Penny was trying to be a good mom to her four kids but still realize that she has her own personal dream to believe in. As the movie continued, you can see in her husband’s eyes how proud he is of her and he begins to give more of his time and efforts to not only continuing his successful career as a lawyer, but to also recognize that his wife has something amazing to offer the world. There is one particular scene in the movie that expressed this. After Secretariat won one of the races, Penny, with her spunky and firey spirit, is standing accepting the trophy and answering questions from the media. In that moment Penny, after three years of working hard and overcoming emotional obstacles, achieved her dream. And in a time where men dominated the career world, Penny’s husband proudly stood behind her and watched her fully become the person she was meant to be. And that, girls, is what we all should strive for in a husband; the man who will stand beside us.

I see it all the time with some couples where the guy always has to better or have the better job than his girlfriend, and that is really sad. I have come to understand that it can be easy on some level to take more of a backseat role in a relationship, but do we really want a guy who feels uncomfortable with us being successful? The strongest guys are the ones who are not afraid to let the person they love fulfill their dreams.

Sometimes I think that girls settle for someone because they are afraid of that awful thing called being single and in the midst of their relationship they lose who they are. It is sad to see people, even friends, who get almost emotionally abused by their significant other because during their relationship they stopped fulfilling their own purpose, and I am here to tell you that every single person walking the planet has a purpose. And if we aren’t with someone who helps us fulfill our purpose then we are not with the right person.

Anais Nin said, “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a women.” I love this quotes because not only does it take courage to be the best version of yourself and take risks, but it also takes courage to wait on that guy who has the courage to let you soar, too.

The women in my family are very successful, stubborn women. I know for sure I have received that stubborn spirit, and I am thankful to have such strong examples of what it looks like to be strong, smart leaders who are women. And I am lucky to see people like my grandpa and dad who are very successful, strong men be proud husbands and not feel threatened by the women in their life’s success.

I want to encourage my girlfriends to seek the men who does compel their strength and not be afraid of letting go of the ones who don’t. Believe me, I know that letting go of the one who isn’t right for you isn’t easy. As you know, I like the book “Bittersweet” by Shauna Niequist. In one of her chapters she discusses what it means to be in your twenties. I love what she says about relationships:

“Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from the ones that don’t give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.”

Because it is true that there are things in life that are mediocre, but love should not be one of them, even though I know it is sometimes scary and sad to walk away from something. But we all need to be with the person who, like Penny’s husband, is proud to stand and watch us shine.