My Quote Book

It must be obvious that I am pretty busy considering I have not updated in a while. I really should not even be writing now but I am so sick of cutting and gluing and printing off lesson plans that I need this break. Okay, actually, I have thoroughly enjoyed my cutting and gluing and lesson planning, not going to lie. Perhaps that is slightly geeky, but I am just so thrilled that I have 100% realized that I can see myself being a teacher after college. Kind of a big relief. I truly enjoy doing classroom work, but let me tell you, being a student teacher is no easy task. And that is why I have not had time to post.

This doesn’t mean that I haven’t written recently, however. In fact, I wrote three blogs that I meant to post, but my life has been such a rollercoaster ride lately that as soon as I finished a post, circumstances in my life changed making the post slightly irrelevant. No big deal. A lot of my friends say that my life would make a great movie. Honestly, it probably would.
In the midst of all of the craziness, I have learned so much in the past five weeks. I have learned the challenges of teaching and how to overcome those challenges (which I will write about later). I have learned what hard work is and not quitting until it is done. But something that has become ever so present in the past five weeks is relearning how to have faith.

Here is the thing with faith: it is easy to have it and use it when life is one easy path. When things are smooth and there are no big choices to make faith is simple. Faith is easy. But that sort of faith isn’t really developed. I once heard a quote that went something like, “faith that hasn’t been tested can’t be trusted.” I think it is safe to say that my college years have brought me some major events that have tested my faith. But the funny thing about us sinful humans is that even though we can walk through something painful and trust God, we sometimes so quickly forget how He brought us through it and then we almost start back at Faith 101 all over again.
During my sophomore year, after I lost someone so special in my life, I felt this awful sort of pain. It felt as if it would never go away. In the midst of feeling such sadness, I heard this still, quiet voice saying to me, “Erica, trust me and lean on me. Your life is going to be better than you can ever imagine if you just rely on me.” So I did. Relying on Jesus then was the easiest thing in the world because then it felt like He was all that I had. During that time, I trusted that I would get through it and I knew that someday I would remember the pain I felt then. I wanted to be sure that I would remember how because of God, I was brought through. In November of 2008, I started a quote book. I put in uplifting verses, poems, quotes and such that seemed to calm my broken spirit. I wrote in the beginning of the book this, “I also know God will get me through this pain – I don’t think the sadness will ever go away – but I know God has a plan for me. I can’t see it now, but in my future I will look at this book and will be reminded of this precious time where I grew closer to God than ever and see how He has brought me through this and I will be able to praise Him.”

Sure enough, He did get me through and taught me so much. My quote book has expanded, and I often look at it during all times of hardship and joy and whenever I do, I am reminded of God’s goodness and how I completely surrendered everything to him then.

At this moment in my life, there are so many decisions I have to make personally and professionally. I am excited for what is to come, but I am scared. My student teaching experience is showing me that college is ending and it is time to begin moving on to the next phase. I am willing and open for wherever God leads me, but it is scary to totally surrender all of my dreams to Him. I know that what He has for me are bigger and better than what I could plan for myself and that is why I have to let go of what I want and let Him. But tonight, I feel like I am in the grey area of confusion. My life in May could go in a billion different directions. Just this week I got two phone calls for interviews with two totally different job positions miles and miles and miles away from home. Exhilarating? Yes. Scary? Oh yes. And then there is the part about leaving people behind and I find myself again at the crossroads of deciding who I just can’t leave behind.

These past months I have struggled with my feelings verses my logic and trying to control situations. Completing student teaching successfully, ensuring things are ready for graduation, graduating, saying goodbye to best friends, mending hurts and renewing relationships, struggling with goodbyes, looking for a job, moving away, earning money, and the list goes on and on. Suddenly I felt God just tell me to give it up to Him once and for all and let Him take care of it. Sure enough, as soon as I did, I could start to see Him work. And I have learned that I am not going to ever be able to predict what is in store tomorrow or even today, and that’s okay. Learning to have that faith is hard at first, but once I surrendered it all again, such a peace came over me.

Tonight I feel a certain amount of weight on my shoulders about making important decisions with relationships and my future, so I pulled out my quote book and read what I wrote back in November of 2008. God brought me through so much, so surely these times of uncertainty now is nothing. So once again, I surrendered it all to the only one I would want controlling my life and knowing what will be will be.

“Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.” –Psalm 50:15

“Is life more important than food and clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap…and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” –Matthew 6:25-26

“Lift up your eyes. The heavenly Father waits to bless you in the inconceivable ways to make your life what you never dreamed it could ever be.” –Anne Orthlund

“Never dwell on the tomorrow; remember that it’s God’s and not ours.”