Friends, Lovers, or Nothing?

That is the question. [And thank you John Mayor for writing great music.]

I am currently supposed to be writing a critical analysis/prepare a presentation on a sonnet called “Astrophil and Stella” for tomorrow. Yeah…I am not very far on that. I am having a hard time focusing on anything right now except all of my issues. I hate it when life gets in the way of my homework. It’s like, how are we supposed to function when there are all these balls up in the air? Anyway, this entire sonnet is super sad. It is all about this man who is completely in love with this woman, but he can’t have her. Probably the saddest part of the entire thing is that the reason he can’t have her is not because she is not in love with him; it is because that thing called life somehow made their relationship have to come to a halt. But that doesn’t mean the love didn’t stop, as you could tell by reading. Normally crap like that does not make me even blink, but when I was reading it yesterday I seriously wanted to cry; and why it just so happened I would have to read and report on this sonnet right now at this point in my life I do not know.

So, without bringing you into my personal life right now too much, I want to ask a question. Can two people be friends after they have had something more? Is it possible that there can be an amazing friendship after the friendship was brought to a new level? Can things ever go back to the way they were before? Most people say no. And if I am being totally honest with myself here, I would have to agree. There really seems to be no way. Acquantances, yes. Virtual friends, sure. But what about that true friendship again? Can that ever be after things have in some way ended? I sure hope so. I don’t think I could bear losing a friend.

But that is just the thing. If whatever was between two people was already built upon a lasting friendship that has been through every trial known to mankind (okay, maybe a slight exaggeration, but you get it), after it ends, shouldn’t the friendship still remain? Maybe that is only in the movies. It seems too sad to know that that person who knows you the best, who fights with you better than anyone else ever could, who knows just what to say to piss you off but then also knows what to say to make you laugh again, who you could spend hours and hours just talking with turn into the person who you pretend doesn’t exist within a matter of a day. That is the cycle of relationships, but that just seems to sad. Once a friend, always a friend? Or does the past put too much between two people?

One of my favorite shows I watched this summer is called Men in Trees. I think the creator of this show wrote it about me, and looking back now I can see that is true, hah. If you have never seen it, you should watch it. One of my favorite quotes (now) from that show is said by the main character, who in the show is writing a book about men and relationships. She says this,

“Friendship between a man and a woman is complicated, especially if they've shared something more. There are times when love can be stronger and even more rewarding if it's built on the foundation of a really great friendship. But wherever it's headed, wherever it's been, being just friends doesn't have to mean settling for something less. Sometimes it can be the brass ring after all.”

So, I think I prefer this answer to my question. But, is that really reality? Is life really about having special people in your life for a few years and then moving on without them? Believe me, I could go on and on with this for forever right now. But, it is complicated, and to each situation their own. But I guess somewhere inside of me I can only hope that the past between two people, no matter how twisted, tangled, wonderful, and bittersweet, doesn’t always have to end with a slamming of a door. Maybe, just maybe, given the right time and care, their friendship or whatever can be all the more beautiful because of it.