Crossing the Boundaries

No guts, no glory. No pain, no gain. Blah, blah, blah. This past week, I have probably played over twenty hours of tennis in 6 days. My body feels like someone ran me over, but despite that, tennis has taught me a very valuable lesson this week.

I’m not exactly sure when I started to be fearful of losing a tennis match or anything else for that matter, but sometime during my college years worry over certain things and fear started to really manifest its way into my life. During my high school tennis career, and even early college, fear did not stop me or paralyze my mind hardly ever. During matches while my opponent would be serving, I would always stand close to the service box to return the serve back. If you know anything about tennis, you know that this is more aggressive, and also riskier. You are putting yourself out there ready to meet the ball and, hopefully, crush it down the court victoriously.

There is always a chance when you stand closer to the incoming ball that you may get hit or might lose out on the point. However, the potential of hitting an aggressive return back outweighs this risk. I remember one time my freshman year I got nailed by a serve because I was standing so close to the service box. It about knocked the wind out of me and I had to take several moments to even regain composure. It left me with a bruise that lasted about 2 weeks. The initial pain hurt, but not for very long. I recovered, and even was able to continue to stand close to the service box afterward. Getting hit didn’t do permanent damage and most of the time, standing near that line allowed me to hit some seriously amazing returns back.

Lately, however, I have begun to stand behind the baseline (sorry if you know nothing about tennis; the baseline is the back of the court, far away from the service box). I suppose I have been back at the baseline now for a couple of years with little to show from it. I knew this was the safer route. I wouldn’t get nailed by a ball back there. Nothing bad could happen to me if I am standing behind the line. But, this also meant that my ability to crush the serve back was lessened. Instead of being near the battle line, if you will, I had to run farther to the ball and just hit it over. Safe? Yes. Aggressive? No.

The other day at practice, I was at my usual position behind the baseline awaiting my teammate’s serve. My coach came up to me and said, “Erica! Get up to that service line! Why are you standing back so far? That won’t win you any points.” Suddenly it all clicked. I was standing further away behind the baseline to protect myself from potential damage of getting hurt or losing. I did not want to allow myself to cross into that line that could potentially hurt me, even though, it could also be an amazing opportunity for me and my tennis game. Fear got me.

I know what it feels like to get smashed in the stomach by a tennis ball going very fast. It hurts. But I got over it. And did it hurt enough to stop me from taking a risk out on the court? Not at first. It wasn’t until I started to think about the dangers that could be lurking if I crossed that baseline again and allowed myself to get closer to the incoming ball. It was almost as if the thought of the ball hitting me was worse than it actually hitting me.

Lately this is how I have been in life, too. Sometimes I am too afraid to cross over the line because I allow myself to let fear of unseen dangers get to me. I don’t believe this is the life we were called to live. We aren’t supposed to hide behind the battle lines in fear. We are supposed to cross that line knowing that even if we do get hurt, it won’t last forever.

Of course it is easier to stand behind the line and protect yourself. But while you are standing there, you are blocking what could potentially be an amazing experience. Relationships, for example. Sure, it is a lot easier to allow yourself not to feel anything and to not take a risk, because it is scary. It is scary to let someone in who may not always be there, but does that mean you should block them away? What about taking a new job or moving somewhere else? Do you just stand behind the lines to protect yourself from the “what ifs” of life?

I love the quote that says, “Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” Isn’t that true? Wouldn’t we rather know that we allowed ourselves to give something our best shot and take a risk even if it means loss in the end? Or would we rather live in the grey area where nothing bad could happen, but nothing good could happen either?

Sadly, I have been pretty good at this lately. Fear over certain areas of my life have pushed me behind the baseline disabling me from taking a risk that could be really great. Crossing the baseline does not guarantee success. If it did, well then of course I would not stand behind it. Instead, however, I choose to worry myself into standing behind the line for fear of what could happen if I crossed it. This is not faith in any way.

It may be safe to stand behind the baseline protecting yourself, but standing outside of the line is not where greatness lies; and in order to find greatness, you need to cross that line.

This is a quote that I wrote down several years ago from Grey’s Anatomy. It says, “At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your life drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.”

So, here is to crossing over the baseline from here on out. To taking risks with my relationships and life, and to stop worrying and let God do the work.